Super Bowl Dress Rehearsal for Jaguars

A review of Week 9 in the NFL, and can you think of any bigger “in your face” moment in sports history if the Lions advance to the Super Bowl--leaving a ticket at will call for Barry Sanders?

Will that be Visa or American Express, Mr. Sanders?

LET’S GET IT OVER WITH

Jacksonville is going to win the Super Bowl. That was the prediction before the season began--that’s why everyone can’t be a football expert--and the Jaguars are 7-1, rank No. 1 on defense and No. 1 in points allowed--32 fewer than the next closest competitor, Pittsburgh.

The Jaguars played Sunday in the Georgia Dome, site of the Super Bowl on Jan. 30, and if they secure home-field advantage through the playoffs, as expected, they will not be on artificial turf again until they return for the Super Bowl.

“We talked about how we should all save our shoes and make sure we wear them here again,” said guard Zach Wiegert, divulging some of the high-level strategy that goes on behind closed locker room doors.

The Jaguars crushed the Falcons, 30-7, prompting tackle Tony Boselli to say, “I’d like to have the same score on the same field in about three months.”

What a perfect way to cap off a crummy season--a 30-7 dull Super Bowl. (Minnesota loses).

MILLER TIME

* The Packers would have romped to victory, feasting on Cade McNown’s turnovers, but then McNown injured his knee in the first quarter, prompting Jim Miller, who hadn’t played the previous two years and having thrown only 22 passes this season, to come on like Sid Luckman.

“You know, I’ve been here for five years,” said Packer tight end Jeff Thomason, “and I’d never lost to the Bears.”

Don’t worry, McNown will recover.

* Chris Miller hadn’t played in a game since Dec. 3, 1995, when, playing for the Los Angeles Rams, he absorbed his fifth concussion in 14 months and retired. The Broncos brought him back, and after leading Denver to scores on six of 11 possessions to beat San Diego, he broke into tears walking off the field.

“This is one of the greatest days of my life,” said Miller, but then most players say that after playing against the Chargers.

WEST COAST O

They say Bill Walsh is a genius. Too bad, the 49ers need a miracle worker.

The West Coast offense is all about the short passing game, but at this rate the 49ers won’t score again this season. Jerry Rice had two catches for two yards against the Steelers, and he’s no longer double-covered by anyone.

“When you have a young quarterback like Jeff [Garcia], it’s almost like your hands are tied,” said Rice. And when you have a 15-year veteran who has lost a step and is still hanging on, that doesn’t help either.

The 49er defense has scored four touchdowns in the last four games--two more than the offense, and the 49ers have lost two consecutive games at home after having gone undefeated in the regular season at 3Com Park the last two years.

“You wonder: How the heck did it come to this?” said San Francisco linebacker Ken Norton. “What went wrong? At what point did you not see this coming?”

The 49ers are so bad they can make Pittsburgh quarterback Kordell Stewart look good. Stewart, booed in Pittsburgh because of his inaccuracy, completed his first six passes, leading the Steelers to scores twice.

“This is probably the best I’ve thrown the ball,” he said.

Steeler officials had hoped to remove the ball from the game and send it to the Hall of Fame, realizing it will never happen again.

GOODY, GOODY GUMDROPS

The Chargers scored two touchdowns on offense before the close of the century, prompting a downright giddy Coach Mike Riley to gush, “Things happened on offense that were exciting for us. Maybe we can take something off that.”

Take this: the Chargers lost by 16 points to a team that was down to its fourth quarterback after the retirement of John Elway and injuries to Brian Griese and Bubby Brister, to a team down to its third running back after injuries to Terrell Davis and Derek Loville, and playing without tight end Shannon Sharpe and wide receiver Ed McCaffrey.

The Broncos were reduced to running the ball with Olandis Gary against a defense that had not allowed a 100-yard rusher in the last 26 games. Gary, inactive for the Broncos’ first four games because he wasn’t one of their best 45 players, went for 108 yards to key Denver’s win.

“It hurts to say they rushed a guy for 100 yards; it’s sickening,” said linebacker Junior Seau, who would have mentioned Gary by name, if he could have remembered it. “For them to win this game was a big surprise to me.”

League officials were checking to see if it was the first known win for an NFL junior varsity team.

YOU DON’T SEND E-MAIL ANYMORE

Speaking of one of the the worst teams in football, technicians report that there is no Y2K problem with the computers or telephone lines, but still there’s no more curse-filled e-mail coming from San Diego, extolling the play of the Chargers in recent days.

No apologies either, and all would be graciously accepted without any mention of the fact that the Chargers have been outscored in the last three games, 98-20, going 192 minutes and 32 seconds without a touchdown and more than 19 quarters between touchdown passes.

EXPRESSWAY TO THE PLAYOFFS

* The Rams, although 4-15 in games decided by eight or fewer points under Coach Dick Vermeil, have five consecutive blow-out assignments with two games against Carolina, two against the Saints and another against San Francisco. Combined record of those NFC doormats: 7-17.

* The Jaguars have limited the opposition to 10 points or fewer in the last five games, and have two games with the the low-scoring Ravens sandwiched around a date with the inept Saints.

* The Colts, 3-13 a year ago, can jump out to 9-2 this season with a high-powered offense that should overwhelm their next three opponents--the Giants, Eagles and Jets.

COACHING CLINICS

* Ray Rhodes: He took the ball out of Brett Favre’s hands, although Favre had won three games on the final drive already this season in Lambeau Field. He had Dorsey Levens run with the ball to set up Ryan Longwell’s field goal try, which was blocked. Rhodes, an aggressive sort, went timid at the wrong time.

* Bobby Ross: He went the other way in Detroit, putting a clinic on for his coaching brethren. He could have settled for a few more runs and a field goal by Jason Hanson from no worse than 39 yards. Hanson has made 67 of 70 from 39 yards in and before this season. But Ross told his team, “Let’s go for the end zone,” and backup quarterback Gus Frerotte threw a touchdown pass to beat the Rams.

* Norv Turner: Defense is something you do to stop the other team, not something you employ in your post-game comments. After taking a 7-0 lead over Buffalo, Turner’s defense allowed the Bills 31 of the game’s next 34 points.

* Jeff Fisher: He has been on the job six years and doesn’t have a .500 record as a head coach, and now it appears as if he’s trying to lose, ignoring one basic concept: Don’t mess with something that’s working.

Neil O’Donnell goes 4-1, one of his victories over AFC powerhouse Jacksonville in relief of Steve McNair, who is rushed back from back surgery in six weeks to start against the Rams. McNair used his legs to put up 21 points against the Rams, but in the last seven quarters a rusty McNair has led the Titans to three points.

* Mike Ditka: When he drafted Ricky Williams, he should have provided him with directions to the end zone. Ditka’s philosophy of jamming the ball down your throat while hiring any bum off the street to play quarterback is ridiculous.

Now he’s probably going to turn to Danny Wuerffel for this week’s game with the 49ers. Wuerffel has lost two previous starts to San Francisco by a combined score of 54-0.