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What: San Jose Dashes the Clash

I remember grimacing, more than once, the day in 1995 when Major League Soccer announced the nicknames for its 10 charter franchises. The Tampa Bay Mutiny? The Kansas City Wiz? The Columbus Crew, complete with a logo that appeared to be clipped from a Village People team photo? What were these people thinking?

But the San Jose Clash was inspired. Sheer promotional genius, I thought: naming a professional soccer team after the greatest punk band of all time, a group that had the pugnacious audacity to tout itself as “The Only Band That Matters”--and the verve, talent and ferocity to back it up.

The San Jose Clash was breaking important ground here. The next step, obviously, seemed to be an entire division of MLS teams named after classic punk bands: The Sussex Pistols. The Boulder Damned. The L.A. X. The St. Louis Ramones. The Boston Stranglers.

Alas, it was not to be. The San Jose soccer team spent its first four seasons sullying the good name of the band, missing the playoffs three times and changing coaches more often than the Clash changed drummers. The problem, as anyone could see, was a remarkable inability to find the back of the opposition net, so how did club management move to turn the thing around heading into Year Five?

By changing nicknames, of course. Out with the Clash, in with the Earthquakes--exhuming the moniker of the old NASL franchise that led San Jose to zero league championships from 1974-1984. Tradition, you see.

But I still would like to know: What in the world was Clash management thinking when it chose a scorpion as the team logo? Bad band, the Scorpions. Couldn’t carry the Clash’s road equipment, even on their best day.