The One Who Needs Advice Is Nancy Kerrigan

Gwen Knapp in the San Francisco Examiner: “Tonya Harding is back in figure skating, which can only mean that fresh starts are now available to all athletes.

“Let’s see: Pete Rose as manager of the first franchise that moves to Las Vegas, Ryan Leaf as chief executive officer for the Esalen Institute and Denny McLain as Bill Bradley’s running mate.

” . . . And Darryl Strawberry will inherit Ann Landers’ column.”

*

Trivia time: Who holds the NCAA Division I-A record for most all-purpose yards gained in a quarter?

*

Captain Volcano: Larry Guest of the Orlando Sentinel on the apparent appointment of “volatile” Curtis Strange as captain of the U.S. Ryder Cup team:

“They’re about to throw one of the shortest of fuses into this tinderbox that the Ryder Cup has become. It’s like letting Albert Belle lead the kids trick-or-treating. Or picking Mike Tyson to judge your beauty pageant.”

*

L.A. won’t bend: Blackie Sherrod in the Dallas Morning News: “What is it about Lotus Land that irks the NFL gods? Baltimore lost a pro football team and got another one in return. So did Cleveland, St. Louis, and now, Houston.

“But Los Angeles is two down and none to go. Answer: Other jilted cities got down on their knees and built new stadiums.”

*

Premature: Peter Vecsey in the New York Post: “From what little I’ve seen of the Lakers (minus Kobe), [Phil] Jackson took the job because he knows his season will end early enough for him to go back and work for Bill Bradley.”

Quack, quack: The Oregon Ducks have a linebacker named Wesley Mallard.

*

Come again? Oakland Raider wide receiver Tim Brown before Sunday’s game with the New York Jets: “We’ve got our hands cut out for us.”

*

Occupational hazard: Former Indy 500 champion Al Unser, 60, who has lost half his hearing:

“All race car drivers have a hearing loss; it doesn’t matter what kind of car you drive. I used to win a race and reporters would interview me in Victory Lane, but I never heard what they were saying.”

*

V.S. still the best: Steve Davis in the Dallas Morning News: “If you want your little boy or girl to be a sports broadcaster, name ‘em with the initials J.M. Among the J.M.’s you’ve heard discussing games:

“John Madden, Joe Morgan, Jon Miller, Johnny Miller, Jim McKay, Jiggs McDonald and John McEnroe.”

*

Trivia answer: Corey Dillon of Washington, 305, first quarter, against San Jose State on Nov. 16, 1996--222 yards rushing, 83 receiving.

*

And finally: Bernie Lincicome in the Chicago Tribune: “Told that this series would decide the team of the decade, New York [Yankee] GM Brian Cashman said, ‘Aren’t we the team of the century?’

“Of course, they are. The Yankees known as the team of any decade is the same as, oh, Albert Einstein leading his resume with Scientist of the Week.”