THE INSIDE TRACK : Morning Briefing : Dodger Season Has Been Iffy for a Long Time

‘The $80-million worth of waste known as the Dodgers has been reduced to playing for second place in the NL West . . . if they’re lucky. How pathetic is that?”

The question was put by the Houston Chronicle’s Carlton Thompson, who went on to quote Gary Sheffield as saying, “If we can [finish second in the NL West], it would tell us a little about this team. And it will show us where we could have finished if we had played well in the first half.”

Humbug, Thompson wrote, adding:

“And as Milo Hamilton likes to say, if Aunt Minnie had a mustache she’d be Uncle Bob.”

They’re odd folk in Houston.

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Trivia time: Manny Mota is the most notable pinch-hitter in Dodger history. But while holding the major league record for pinch hits with 150 (in 501 at bats), he doesn’t hold the Dodger season record. Who does?

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Instant chaos: Asking ABC’s Al Michaels about the NFL’s return to the use of instant replay, the Oakland Tribune’s Art Spander got this perhaps not-altogether-expected response:

“I like the replay, but this system has too many bugs in it,” Michaels said. “There are going to be some unbelievable screw-ups. Time limits, challenges, a coach upstairs telling a coach downstairs. This is crazy. But it’s going to make for some great television.”

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Amen to that: Major League Soccer leaders might not like it, but this “Wish List” item appeared in Sports Illustrated: “That somewhere in the 500-channel universe there were a place for live, free English Premier League soccer.”

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Them bones: When Paul Montville was hired as executive director of USA Boxing in the spring, he brought a new perspective with him.

“When you take a job like this,” he told the Philadelphia Inquirer, “what happens in the first few months is that every door you open is a closet that has a skeleton. You try to find out where that stuff is, and I feel we’ve done that.”

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Don’t cross him: When he’s not in the Minnesota governor’s mansion or refereeing some wrestling event, Jesse Ventura can probably be found on the football field.

Ventura has been a volunteer strength and conditioning coach for Champlin Park High’s football team for several years and takes no guff.

“Believe me, they don’t always enjoy me,” Ventura said. “There are days when I’m not the most popular guy. I’m also somewhat the disciplinarian. When there needs to be discipline done, that falls on to me also.”

Two falls to one, no doubt.

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Gopher broke: Mark Yudof, University of Minnesota president, turned to Ventura for advice on how to handle the school’s athletic scandal.

Said Yudof: “He just shook his head and said he was glad the university is autonomous.”

Smart move.

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Going topless: Brandi Chastain, it turns out, wasn’t the only one to lose her top after the U.S. had beaten China to win the Women’s World Cup.

Michelle Akers didn’t remove hers, as Chastain did, but someone else made off with it.

“Looking back on all that’s happened in 1999,” Akers wrote in Sports Illustrated for Women, “there’s only one thing missing from my World Cup experience: the jersey I wore in the final. I still don’t know what happened to it.

“If you come across a tattered, blood-stained, grass-graffitied No. 10 shirt, please give me a call.”

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Trivia answer: Dave Hansen, with 18 pinch hits (in 55 at bats) in 1993.

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And finally: Seattle Mariner Manager Lou Piniella stormed out of the dugout to argue a call, tripped on the steps and fell face first onto the field.

“I just don’t have that first-step explosion anymore,” he said.