Section Gee! Advice, Humor, Comics, Horoscope, Kids : LAUGH LINES

War Games: Kyrgyzstan is battling forces from neighboring Tajikistan. “If only they could get along. Together, they’re worth 800 points in Scrabble.” (Argus Hamilton)

We Apologize in Advance: Susan Olsen, who played Cindy on “The Brady Bunch,” is getting her own radio talk show. “Good news--it’s an afternoon shift. Now she’ll be home just in time for pork chops and applesauce.” (Andrew Wisot)

It Was a Slam-Dunk: A 27-year-old Finnish woman won the fourth annual Air Guitar World Championships. “And over at the Air Ball World Championship, Shaquille O’Neal was, of course, the winner of the basketball free throw competition.” (Jerry Perisho)

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Chris Pina’s Essential

Daily List

Signs you’re flying aboard a plane carrying drugs:

* Pilot says, “We apologize for the delay, but we had some last-minute luggage to load, tee-hee-hee.”

* The crew’s hogging all the bathrooms.

* Your flight from Nevada to Florida has a sudden stopover in Colombia.

* You complain that the salad dressing is too strong, and the flight attendant cuts it with sugar.

* Flight attendant offers you free peanuts in exchange for your razor blade.

* Over intercom, pilot tells passengers he’s got an itchy feeling someone’s following him.

* Flight arrives at destination four hours early.

* The large, white plastic bag in the overhead storage bin can be used as a flotation device.

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