LAUGH LINES

The Building Blocks of Government: A Swiss investigation has accused Russian leader Boris Yeltsin of taking bribes from a construction company. “It’s true Yeltsin has many ties to the construction industry. He’s been hammered, plastered . . . .” (Daily Scoop)

Give These Guys a Sporting Chance: The Dallas Cowboys say they think they’ve solved last year’s problems in training camp drills. “They’ve practiced the roadside sobriety test until it’s second nature by now.” (Argus Hamilton)

A Weather Eye: Experts say this summer was L.A.’s coolest since 1965. “In fact, the only things colder were the Dodgers and the Angels.” (Paul Ecker)

Silly Science: A study says 20% of all cats in the U.S. are fat. “Of course, the percentage is considerably higher in the Senate.” (Kenny Noble Cortes)

It All Adds Up: On his way to realizing his lifelong goal of eating in all 13,600 McDonald’s restaurants, a 53-year-old man has eaten in 11,894 so far. “In fact, that’s also his cholesterol.” (Jay Leno)

It All Adds Up II: “McDonald’s has come up with a new slogan just for this guy: ‘You deserve a life today.’ ” (Leno)

Celebrity Sighting: It’s been reported that actress Pamela Anderson Lee keeps the placenta from the birth of her child in the refrigerator. “And reportedly, when boyfriend Tommy Lee found out, he said, ‘Let me get this straight. You kept the placenta and got rid of the implants?’ ” (Conan O’Brien)

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