Tar Heels Swamped by Florida’s Frenzy

Don’t get us wrong, having Florida in a national championship basketball game will be swell.

But in the wake of the Gators’ 71-59 semifinal skid mark over North Carolina on Saturday night, officials at the RCA Dome are going to have to make some changes.

Before Monday, they must:

* Hire more ballboys.

In one brief stretch, because of Florida’s run-and-dive defense, six was not enough.

A timeout was called, there were Gators all over the floor, a kid was summoned, he wiped up the sweat.

Moments later, three other kids were called to the same spot. They wiped.

A minute after that, two new kids were ordered to their knees in front of the Florida bench. This is the only team that needs somebody to wipe up the coach’s sweat.

In the end, though, the kids mostly wiped up the weariness of the Tar Heels.

“The guys who were bringing the ball up the court early in the game, they didn’t want to do it later,” said Gator Matt Bonner, smiling. “They were looking to pass it. That’s when we knew.”

* Resurface the sideline between the Florida bench and scorers’ table.

The Gators wore it out. The Tar Heels just wore out.

The Gators played 10 players for double-figures minutes. The Tar Heels played six.

For the first 25 minutes, this didn’t seem to matter.

For the rest of the game, nothing mattered more.

“I hoped that wouldn’t be a factor,” said Tar Heel Coach Bill Guthridge. “But it was.”

In other words . . .

“The game changed when we saw them tugging at their shorts during free throws, with that exhausted look in their eye,” said defensive officer Major Parker. “We get a high off that look.”

* Hire an anger-management consultant.

Florida’s tendency to stick to the Tar Heels like cigarette smoke clouded its opponents tempers.

The fine young men from North Carolina threw punches into screens, slapped hands into layups, ran over what they could not elude and grabbed what they could not stop.

Two of them fouled out, and leader Ed Cota’s fourth foul essentially disqualified the Tar Heels from the game.

At the time, with 14:17 to play, North Carolina was leading by four.

They were then outscored by 15.

Admitted Cota: “I wasn’t being aggressive anymore.”

Said Parker: “You can’t be tentative against us. We play with no fear.”

* Install new rims.

Teddy Dupay, the Gators’ “shooting” guard, made one of eight shots. Mike Miller, their best player, made three of 13 shots.

The Gators missed five of their first six shots at the start of the second half, took a deep breath, then missed four consecutive layups.

They fell behind. At which point, in this era of the control-freak coach, an amazing thing happened.

They just kept gunning.

“Coach tells us, if you have a shot, take it,” Dupay said of Coach Billy Donovan. “Doesn’t matter if you miss. You keep taking it.”

So they did, playing as reckless, er, as aggressively while trailing as they did while leading.

A fallaway jumper here. A flying layup no-look pass there. The clangs became swishes. And before North Carolina knew it . . .

They had been Donovaned.

“We never play like we want time to run off the clock,” Parker said. “We play like we never have enough.”

* Buy some black felt-tip pens.

The Gators are going to need them to write fresh names on their sweatbands.

They wear the white bands on their wrists or ankles or calves. Before the game, they adorn them with the names of loved ones.

Bonner wore “Dad.”

Miller wore “Family.”

This began just last week, when Donovan decided he wanted his guys to remember that this was bigger than them.

“Coach Donovan said that people play better when they are playing for a cause,” Bonner said. “So now, every time we look down during the game, we are reminded of that cause.”

North Carolina’s players should have worn them.

They would have read “Aaargh!”

* Hire a barber.

Has any championship game since the last one involving Larry Bird included so many players looking as if they had their last haircut in the dark?

The Gators’ locks are as ill-fitting as their game. It’s a shame they can’t take a cue from another famous Gator and compete with a visor.

* Hire a tailor.

Their pants sag from their waist and seemingly drag their ankles, making even UCLA’s britches look like something once worn by Jerry West.

But the hair, the clothes, the attitude, that’s them. College kids. Having a blast. Can’t wait for Monday and favored Michigan State.

“This is a great game, on a great stage,” Parker said. “Who wouldn’t have fun?”

Not us.

Florida versus Michigan State should be as delightful as the Sacramento Kings versus the Lakers.

Spring break versus a winter storm.

A skateboard versus a Ford.

For Florida, Monday night will be like Mardi Gras.

For Michigan State, it will be like church.

“We’ve seen them on TV a lot and, man, they are good,” Gator Udonis Haslem said. “They’ve got a lot of great players, they look like professionals out there.”

He paused, and shrugged.

“But you know, we’ll give them some pressure. Keep that pressure on. See what happens.”

We promise not to blink.

*

Bill Plaschke can be reached at his e-mail address: bill.plaschke@latimes.com.