In Memory

The reflex is complicated, as melancholy as it is unavoidable.

Paul O’Neill will smack a home run or make a running catch or maybe even strike out with a man on third, and in his very next thought, he’ll sadly wonder: what would Dad have thought of that?

Six months after Charles O’Neill died just hours before Game 4 of the World Series, Paul is still deeply affected by the loss. Some players escape heartache nine innings at a time, using the game as a haven against harsh reality. But O’Neill can’t, and might not even want it that way.

“You miss that he’s not watching anymore,” O’Neill explained. “It’s just a weird thing because you don’t want him to go through suffering like he was at the end. But there’s just so many things about him that you miss.”

One of the things Paul misses most are the phone calls home, the long talks about baseball and his swing and the way the Yankees were playing. Charles was Paul’s first coach and biggest fan, and he watched every game and watched it with that dual perspective.

So no matter how upset the famously unsatisfied son was with his own performance, the father always spoke of impending success. Paul would complain that he stunk and that he would never get another hit and his father would tell him: “You’re doing fine. You’re going to do this, you’re going to do that.’

“He was just the ultimate optimist,” O’Neill said. “He never saw me take a bad swing; I’ve seen plenty.”

Not this year, at least not yet.

“And we’re winning,” O’Neill said. “I think that’s what everybody envisions here. Being able to take the field every day and give yourself a chance.”

Most encouraging for O’Neill is that he has a chance against lefthanders again after batting just .190 against them last season.

O’Neill stresses that it is still early--”I just hate talking about this stuff in April”--but the Yankees already have faced a left-handed starter eight times, giving him ample opportunity to test himself.

O’Neill worked especially hard in spring training on his approach against lefties and the results are evident, even aside from his numbers. He is more disciplined at the plate, not pulling off the ball with his right shoulder. To the contrary, he is diving across the plate, challenging pitchers to jam him. His bat is still quick enough to turn on inside fastballs, and when lefties throw away, he is content to slap the ball the other way.

O’Neill also is hoping the knowledge that his father is no longer suffering can help him just as much. Charles battled heart disease all of last year and it tortured Paul, too. But he’s not asking for sympathy for last year or this year.

“Everybody has to go through it,” he said. “It’s a tough time in life. Because of what I do, something comes up every day to remind me. Life goes on and this game goes on. I’m here to try to continue doing what he taught me.”

O’Neill’s teammates remember how tormented he was last season and have noticed the difference this season. They believe there is a connection to his success. “I’m sure he’s got a clear mind,” Tino Martinez said. “He looks great. He’s hitting everybody, lefties, righties. He’s driving the ball. He’s going to have a great year, I’m telling you.”

And O’Neill won’t stop wondering what his father thinks of it.

“I say prayers every day,” he said, “and I hope that he’s listening.”