Let’s Hope They Never Turn Pro

IF THE BCS RAN THE NFL . . .

Five of the eight computers that fouled up the Orange Bowl also churn out weekly NFL power ratings, for entertainment/national bemusement purposes. Thankfully, the NFL settles these things on the field.

The BCS NFL Five and their top fives:

DUNKEL INDEX

1. Baltimore . . . 9-4, second in AFC Central.

2. Tampa Bay . . . 8-5, tied for second in NFC Central.

3. Denver . . . 9-4, second in AFC West.

4. New York Jets . . . 9-4, second in AFC East.

5. Oakland . . . 10-3, first in AFC West.

BCS title matchup: No. 1 Florida State vs. No. 2 Miami.

Super Bowl projection: Baltimore over Tampa Bay.

Ghost(s) in the machine: None of top four teams is a division leader. . . . None of top four teams has qualified for the playoffs yet. . . . Minnesota, NFC’s winningest team, is No. 7, ranked behind two teams it has already defeated--Tampa Bay and No. 6 Miami.

KENNETH MASSEY

1. Miami . . . 10-3, first in AFC East.

2. Minnesota . . . 11-2, first in NFC Central.

3. Tennessee . . . 10-3, first in AFC Central.

4. Oakland . . . Fell two slots after one-point loss to No. 15 Steelers.

5. New York Jets . . . Third-toughest schedule in the league.

BCS title matchup: No. 1 Florida State vs. No. 2 Oklahoma.

Super Bowl projection: Miami over Minnesota.

Ghost(s) in the machine: Minnesota dropped from No. 1 after defeating Detroit, 24-17. . . . Rates AFC East as toughest division in league, despite presence of New England and the Indianapolis defense.

MATTHEWS GRID RATINGS

1. Miami . . . A combined 0-3 vs. No. 2 Vikings and No. 3 Jets.

2. Minnesota . . . Lost to No. 4 Buccaneers, 41-13.

3. New York Jets . . . 2-0 vs. No. 1 Dolphins.

4. Tampa Bay . . . Tied in NFC Central standings with No. 7 Detroit.

5. Baltimore . . . 1-1 vs. No. 16 Steelers.

BCS title matchup: No. 1 Florida State vs. No. 2 Oklahoma.

Super Bowl projection: Miami over Minnesota.

Ghost(s) in the machine: NFC East-leading Giants ranked 13th, despite 3-1 record against No. 8 Washington and No. 12 Philadelphia. . . . Despite sharing AFC’s best record with Dolphins, No. 10 Raiders ranked below four AFC teams--Miami, Baltimore, No. 6 Tennessee and No. 9 Denver.

NEW YORK TIMES

1. Miami . . . Up from No. 4 after 33-6 victory over No. 18 Bills.

2. Tennessee . . . Lost last meeting with No. 4 Ravens.

3. Minnesota . . . Defeated No. 1 Dolphins, 13-7.

4. Baltimore . . . Lost to No. 10 Steelers, 9-6.

5. New York Jets . . . Up from No. 11 after 27-17 victory over No. 17 Colts.

BCS title matchup: No. 1 Florida State vs. No. 2 Miami.

Super Bowl projection: Miami over Minnesota.

Ghost(s) in the machine: Defending Super Bowl champion Rams (8-5) ranked No. 20, behind three teams with losing records--No. 15 Jacksonville (6-7), No. 16 Green Bay (6-7), No. 19 Carolina (6-7). . . . Two of top four teams quarterbacked by Jay Fiedler and Trent Dilfer.

JEFF SAGARIN

1. Miami . . . 3-3 versus Sagarin’s top 10.

2. Minnesota . . . 4-1 versus Sagarin’s top 10.

3. New York Jets . . . 4-1 versus Sagarin’s top 10.

4. Tennessee . . . 2-1 versus Sagarin’s top 10.

5. Tampa Bay . . . 2-4 versus Sagarin’s top 10.

BCS title matchup: No. 1 Florida State vs. No. 2 Miami.

Super Bowl projection: Miami over Minnesota.

Ghost(s) in the machine: NFC East-leading Giants ranked No. 15, own season sweep over No. 12 Eagles. . . . AFC teams rated Nos. 1-3-4-6-7. AFC teams 2-14 in the last 16 Super Bowls.

(Footnote: Four of the five computers rate Arizona as the worst team in the NFL. Matthews rates Arizona No. 29, ahead of San Diego and last-place Cleveland.)

ON THE ROAD TO NOWHERE

There have been 10 200-yard rushing performances in the NFL this season, signifying . . . well, not much of anything in the grand scheme. Of the runners who produced the league’s 12 greatest single-day rushing efforts, only one, Emmitt Smith, won a championship the same season.

The top 12, and their ultimate destinations:

278 yards--Corey Dillon, Cincinnati, 2000: Bengals 3-10, headed for a top-four draft pick.

275--Walter Payton, Chicago, 1975: Bears finished 9-5, earned the NFC wild card, lost in the first round to Dallas, 37-7.

273--O.J. Simpson, Buffalo, 1976: Bills were last in the AFC East at 2-12.

251--Mike Anderson, Denver, 2000: Broncos now 9-4, second behind Oakland in AFC West.

250--O.J. Simpson, Buffalo, 1973: Bills finished 9-5, missed the playoffs.

247--Willie Ellison, Los Angeles, 1971: Rams finished 8-5-1, missed the playoffs.

246--Corey Dillon, Cincinnati, 1997: Bengals went 7-9, placed fourth in the AFC Central.

243--Cookie Gilchrist, Buffalo, 1963: At 7-6-1, Bills tied for first place in the AFL’s Eastern Division, lost divisional playoff to Boston, 26-8.

237--Jim Brown, Cleveland, 1957: Browns, 9-2-1 in the regular season, lost NFL championship game to Detroit, 59-14.

237--Jim Brown, Cleveland, 1961: Browns slumped to 8-5-1, third place in NFL’s Eastern Conference.

237--Emmitt Smith, Dallas, 1993: Cowboys, 12-4 in regular season, defeated Buffalo in Super Bowl XXVIII, 30-13. Smith, with 132 yards and two second-half touchdowns, was named the game’s most valuable player.

237--Barry Sanders, Detroit, 1994: Lions finished 9-7 and in third place in the NFC Central, lost wild-card game to Green Bay, 16-12.

NORVOUS TIME?

Norv Turner was the fourth NFL coach to resign or be fired since the start of the regular season, but he won’t be the last. Who’s on deck:

1. Dave Campo, Dallas: Let’s see: Record is 4-9, works for Jerry Jones, Turner suddenly available. Do the math.

2. Dick LeBeau, Cincinnati: Soon to be rid of interim tag. Along with rest of tag.

3. Mike Riley, San Diego: Fight On! For USC!

4. Chris Palmer, Cleveland: Daylon McCutcheon says “some” players have lost confidence in Palmer. As soon as that number reaches 51%, Palmer’s gone.

5. Gunther Cunningham, Kansas City: Almost quit in September. And that was before consecutive losses to San Diego and New England.