LAUGH LINES

One More Nomination: “Have you seen this film ‘American Beauty’? It is the story of a husband who lusts after a teenage girl while his cold wife puts together bad real estate deals. In fact, today President Clinton called it his favorite film of the year. . . . He thought it should get best documentary.” (Jay Leno)

Lying Down With Dogs: “President Clinton said one of the toughest things about Hillary’s campaign for the New York Senate was having to listen to people criticize her. He said people lying about his wife drives him nuts. That’s what he said, which is kind of odd. Apparently lying to his wife, he doesn’t see anything wrong with that.” (Leno)

Thumbs Down: “The film critic Rex Reed was arrested for allegedly shoplifting three CDs from a Tower Records store in New York. . . . Apparently, when the security guards approached him, he tried to pretend like he wasn’t stealing anything. In fact, the police report said, ‘His story was good, but the acting was weak and there was no character development.’ ” (Leno)

Behind Bars: “You know Deborah Norville from the hard-hitting show ‘Inside Edition’? She entered a women’s jail in North Carolina to show what it’s like. They showed her cellmate, Rex Reed.” (Leno)

The Bauer-y Boys: “John McCain picked up the endorsement of former GOP presidential rival Gary Bauer, who called him the party’s ‘best shot’ at winning the White House. George W. Bush shrugged it off, saying it was no big deal and promising to land the endorsement of Eddie Bauer by the end of the week.” (Mark Wheeler)

*

Send us a line: Got a joke? Send it to Laugh Lines by fax, (213) 237-0732, or mail, Southern California Living, Los Angeles Times, Times Mirror Square, Los Angeles, CA 90053.