At Least There Was Jennifer Lopez’s Dress

And the winner is. . . .

Jennifer Lopez’s dress.

It was artfully, shockingly pulled opened in the front, and it lent new meaning to the CBS slogan, “Welcome Home.”

It also happened to be the only thing that approached intrigue or surprise or amusement on the 42nd annual Grammy Awards telecast Wednesday night.

Yes, things were dull and generally uninspiring. So what else is new? What, you expect pathos from Kid Rock?

Held for the first time at Staples Center (and nothing says “intimate setting” quite like Staples Center), the Grammys conveyed about as much emotion and heart as that sports complex.

The musical numbers were overproduced and dull, the jokes from second-year host Rosie O’Donnell were stale and forced, and acceptance speeches were either unmemorable or incomprehensible, though it appeared that most people were just thanking their managers and record companies. And God, of course.

But back to that dress.

Actually, if CBS makes any inroads in capturing 18- to 49-year-old male viewers in the near future, they should thank Lopez, who presented the first award of the evening with actor David Duchovny, whom Lopez rendered even more poker-faced than “The X-Files” star normally is.

Certainly such interest couldn’t have been stoked by the musical numbers, which were bound to mire the Grammys in banality. They included Will Smith’s “Freakin’ It,” Britney Spears’ “From the Bottom of My Broken Heart” and Kid Rock’s “God Only Knows.”

Somewhere in between, dignity occasionally prevailed.

A segment of the broadcast dedicated to Latino inroads in pop and jazz music came closest--most notably, a performance by Cuban singer Ibrahim Ferrer and the Buena Vista Social Club. And given the focus on Carlos Santana’s comeback story, his performance, with Matchbox 20’s Rob Thomas, of their hit “Smooth” at least had some context to it.

O’Donnell, meanwhile, wore the task of hosting with what little aplomb that job allows. Perhaps it’s time to go the no-host route. Just let the disparate musical acts run through their numbers, hand out the hardware and let everyone get on with their lives.

Instead, O’Donnell tried to get things off to an edgy start, running through a monologue that took aim at various stars’ run-ins with the law, including Sean “Puffy” Combs and Whitney Houston, who appeared to be giving O’Donnell a certain finger when the comic made a joke about her possession of marijuana at a Hawaii airport.

As a personality, O’Donnell is better when she’s fawning over people, not taking shots at them, as evidenced by the popularity of her daytime talk show.

If the Grammys are looking for a replacement, they might consider bringing back 1996 host Ellen DeGeneres, who proved more engaging in a tougher assignment Wednesday--co-anchoring a pre-Grammy show. One of her running jokes actually worked--when DeGeneres, holding a small cup, made a pitch for the DNA of some of the more handsome stars, including Ricky Martin.