Roar of the Lions Is Mere Whisper in This NFL City

Tony Kornheiser of the Washington Post writes that the Detroit Lions have no chance against the Redskins in Saturday’s NFL wild-card playoff game in Washington.

“This is Detroit’s all-time record in Washington: 0-19,” Kornheiser writes. “The Lions have never won here. The Lions couldn’t beat the Christians here.”

Kornheiser is aware that the Lions beat the Redskins easily, 33-17, on Dec. 5 in Pontiac, Mich.

Means nothing, he reasons.

“It’s here. And the Lions stink here. They are bat guano here.”

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It’s just a football field: In what must be an NFL record, the Redskins changed the name of their stadium for the fourth time this season.

First, it was Jack Kent Cooke Stadium. Then Redskins Stadium. Then FedEx Field. Then FedExField--because Federal Express wanted it to be one word.

Local newspapers balked at that idea, so the Redskins reverted to the two-word FedEx Field moniker.

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Trivia time: Who holds the NBA record for assists in a game?

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I love those guys: If the Rams win the Super Bowl, have plenty of towels handy for emotional Dick Vermeil, the St. Louis coach.

Says Vito Stellino of the Baltimore Sun: “[Vermeil] breaks into tears when he gets his utility bill.”

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Boring routine: What Joe Montana doesn’t miss about football: “Going to work every day at 8 a.m., falling asleep in meetings.”

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Cheap shot: Attendance at the Rose Bowl was down this year. On the other hand, says Jay Leno, there was so much money bet on the game that the gamblers dubbed it the “Pete Rose Bowl.”

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Long-term goal: From Mike Ditka: “I told my mom a long time ago I’d like to live to be 150. She said, ‘Why?’ I said I’d like to make the rest of the people mad that I haven’t made mad yet.”

Ditka is apparently succeeding. He was fired as the New Orleans Saints’ coach on Wednesday.

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Sentimentalist: Boston Celtic great Bob Cousy on the retirement of the team’s famed parquet floor after 53 years: “I don’t cry for floors.”

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Trivia answer: Scott Skiles of Orlando, with 30 against Denver on Dec. 30, 1990.

Note: Skiles is now the coach of the Phoenix Suns.

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And finally: Chicago Tribune columnist Bernie Lincicome, on Virginia Tech freshman quarterback Michael Vick:

“Vick plays quarterback like a sailor on a storm-tossed deck, keeping the boat afloat by refusing to go down. Too fast to be run down from the back, too quick to have a blind side, too daring to be challenged from the front.”