Pensive Musings From Out of Left Field

Random thoughts, between innings, on a warm midsummer day:

Alan Greenspan has been president long enough.

Anna Kournikova is the Britney Spears of sports. Or maybe the Tanya Tucker.

Bob Hope will outlive the Grand Canyon.

Pretty soon, all movies will be rated PG-13.

Sarah Jessica Parker is the new “15-minute girl.” You can’t go 15 minutes without seeing her face someplace.

Calista Flockhart used to be the “15-minute girl.” Now she’s a “30-minute girl.”

Whatever happened to Debra Winger?

Generally, people are attracted only to people smarter or thinner than themselves.

How can there be no “r” in the word “colonel”?

I always want fries with that.

Shawn Green is the best thing to happen to Southern California summers since the convertible.

The trouble with Monday Night Football isn’t the announcers. It’s the games. The schedule should be adjusted as the season goes along.

One day, sunscreen will come in pill form. Or a nice ale.

Best summer smell: just-mowed grass.

Best summer sound: a blender.

At $16,500 base price, Chrysler’s PT Cruiser is going to be way bigger than the VW Beetle.

What’s in: those floppy hats Kobe Bryant wears.

What’s out: tattoos.

Whatever happened to Jeff Bridges?

Best casting in a long time: Nathan Lane in the stage version of Mel Brooks’ “The Producers.”

Happy 20th anniversary to the makers of “Caddyshack,” the funniest movie ever.

My dog has Bette Davis eyes. And Nicolas Cage’s chin.

Nobody arm wrestles anymore.

Best nut: the cashew.

Second-best nut: my friend Don.

Book you shouldn’t miss: screenwriter William Goldman’s “Which Lie Did I Tell?” (no, it’s not about your marriage).

Biggest casualty of juiced baseballs: bunting.

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Album worth checking out: Neil Young’s “Silver & Gold.”

If you understand interest rates, you understand investments.

On TV, the Angels’ outfield backdrop looks like a cheap movie set.

So tell me again: Why are there two types of screwdrivers?

California should never have given up on those ocean-blue license plates.

Vin Scully for president.

Phil Jackson for vice president.

Shaq for secretary of defense.

Biggest disappointment of the past year: “Hannibal,” the sequel to “Silence of the Lambs.”

Stuntman of the year: my friend Paul.

Worst affront to sportsmanship and good taste in general: the Adidas commercial featuring a frustrated young player banging her head against a locker.

During summer, ketchup is really a beverage.

Biggest gimme in sports: the force play at second, during which the second baseman or shortstop is almost always off the bag.

Someday, I’d like to own a pie shop. Or a hockey rink.

Bruce Willis makes too many movies.

Amanda Peet doesn’t make enough.

What’s in: DNA.

What’s out: the Internet.

Most fun potential World Series matchup: Boston versus St. Louis.

Most likely and unpleasant World Series matchup: Chicago versus Atlanta.

Most underrated pasta: campanelle.

Believe it or not, these are the good old days.

Luck is the residue of hard work.

Timing is everything.

Thanks, Orel.

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Chris Erskine’s column is published on Wednesdays. His e-mail address is chris.erskine@latimes.com.