Embarrassing Time to Be in Spotlight

Sirens were heard in a Burbank neighborhood the other night after a report of a burglary. An athletic 82-year-old resident who lived on a street above the victimized house started to hike down a hill to take a look. Midway through his descent, he felt the call of nature and sought the cover of some shrubbery. Just his luck that, as he began to relieve himself, he would be spotted.

By police.

In a helicopter.

Shining a spotlight on him.

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DON’T LET US INTERRUPT YOU: The helicopter then flew off, giving the resident in the shrubbery some privacy.

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MORE BARE FACTS: The Police Log of the Los Alamitos News-Enterprise carried this item for March 18: “Seal Beach. . . . Seventh Street, 11:04 a.m. A naked man was reportedly sleeping in his Nissan, recovering from St. Patrick’s Day.”

Wonder if he recovered his clothes?

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DON’T SLEEP THROUGH THIS DAY: As a public service, this column wants to remind readers that the April 15 income tax deadline is approaching. Just to dramatize the point, I’ve included snapshots (see accompanying) that show:

* A building with two businesses claiming to be able to read the IRS’ mind (from Jay Nicholas).

* A business for those who think they’re being taxed to death (Nelson Hernandez).

* And the logo of a firm called IRS in Canada, whose motto is “Destruction With Care” (Jay Berman). Sounds similar to the aim of the IRS down here.

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NO WAY, BABY: “The Speed of Sound,” a history of the early days of movies, notes that director King Vidor once ran afoul of the tax authorities with several bogus deductions.

“One deduction in particular caught the eye of the IRS,” author Scott Eyman wrote. “It seemed that Vidor had bet Sam Goldwyn $1,200 that his wife would bear [Vidor] a son. Vidor lost the bet and tried to deduct the $1,200 as a business expense.”

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I PLEAD GUILTY: Columnist Scott Ostler actually toils for the San Francisco Chronicle, not for the Examiner, as I wrote.

While I’m at it, I also credited a funny item here to Dean Terlinden, who had written me earlier. This one was actually sent in by his son David. Don’t want to irritate a family of contributors.

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ANOTHER OSCAR DISAPPEARANCE! The Web site oscarwatch.com offers an animated tale, “Once Upon an Oscar,” by Ed Bain, in which one of the statuettes escapes on the night of the Academy Awards show.

Escapes, I said. No theft here. It hops away, even evading interviewer Joan Rivers.

The little guy hides in some bushes when he’s spotted--not by a police helicopter--but by a civilian who smiles and stashes the Oscar in his pants.

The finder looks familiar, but I can’t quite think of his name. I’ve seen him in the movies but don’t remember ever seeing him holding an Oscar.

Oh, yeah, now I recognize him--Jim Carrey.

miscelLAny:

Anthony Contarino of Torrance points out that in Irvine there’s a law firm called Payne & Fears.

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Steve Harvey can be reached at (800) LATIMES Ext. 77083, by fax at (213) 237-4712, by mail at Metro, L.A. Times, Times Mirror Square, L.A. 90053 and by e-mail at steve.harvey@latimes.com.