There’s No Honor Among Card Thieves

A woman used a stolen credit card to phone a sheriff’s substation recently--but not to turn herself in. According to City Talk, Paramount’s newsletter, the outraged thief wanted to report that someone had stolen her wallet. It was just the beginning of a run of bad luck for the credit card user, who was later arrested.

THIS WON’T HERTZ A BIT: Ralph Morin of Malibu came upon a dentist who’d probably be more comfortable with his outdoor sign if a new rental car company moved next door (see photo).

ON THE ROAD: While driving through Barstow, Dean Edwards of Sherman Oaks caught a sign for those with long-range plans (see photo).

Interstate 40 “starts here and ends in Wilmington, N.C.,” explained Louisa Miller, executive director of the Barstow Chamber of Commerce. “Of course, in North Carolina they say that it starts there and ends here.”

IF THEY NEEDED A HAMMER: On a government form, Howard Harper of Westminster noticed what appeared to be an offer of tools to veterans (see accompanying).

SLOW DOWN, ADIDAS BUYERS! A company called ISwag.com took a poll with these results:

* Sixteen percent of people who wear shirts bearing Lakers logos admitted to having some form of plastic surgery.

* People in clothing with Lakers logos were the worst tippers among all basketball logo wearers. The best: fans of the Chicago Bulls.

* Fifty-nine percent of people wearing hats with national hockey team logos said they had never gone to a hockey game.

* Sixty-eight percent said they did not wear apparel with logos from their alma maters.

* People in T-shirts with Adidas logos were three times as likely to exercise regularly as those in T-shirts with Nike logos.

* But people in T-shirts with Nike logos said they had sex more often than those displaying any other logos.

miscelLAny:

Writer Hank Rosenfeld attended a rare public appearance by filmmaker Woody Allen at UCLA for a showing of his new film, “Small Time Crooks.”

Allen was asked by one fan where he shot the scene of the man trying to capture the giant breast with a giant bra in “Everything You Always Wanted to Know About Sex.”

He responded: “That was Los Angeles. On one of those strange farms . . . or ranches . . . you know, one of those interplanetary places where spaceships land.”

Steve Harvey can be reached at (800) LATIMES, Ext. 77083, by fax at (213) 237-4712, by mail at Metro, L.A. Times, Times Mirror Square, L.A. 90053 and by e-mail at steve.harvey@latimes.com.