There’s No Joy in Knickville for Van Gundy

Dan LeBatard in the Miami Herald, on the New York Knicks’ sloppy 82-76 playoff victory over the Heat Tuesday night and Knick Coach Jeff Van Gundy’s usual reaction:

” . . . Pale and disheveled, [he] usually looks so weary, as if the only time he ever leaves the gym is to go home and sleep in his coffin.

“Van Gundy shows angst and suffering but very little that ever resembles joy. The perfect snapshot of him as a tortured winner came immediately after Game 5 against Miami last year.

“The game was over, the Heat’s season done . . . but a complaining Van Gundy remained on the court after time expired still screaming at the officials even as his players celebrated around him.”

*

Trivia time: Who holds the Laker record for three-point shooting percentage in the playoffs?

*

Any port in a storm: Actress Carmen Electra, on how she coped with the deaths of her mother and sister two years ago:

“I didn’t want to feel the pain of loss. Some people turn to drugs and alcohol. I ended up marrying Dennis Rodman.”

*

Cheap shot: Joe Posnanski in the Kansas City Star: “Somebody could make a killing by marketing a Bill Walton-to-English dictionary.”

*

He always hits: Jim Armstrong in the Denver Post: “He’s overweight, he’s got bad knees and he’s hitting a buck-86. In other words, Tony Gwynn, who turned the big 4-oh Tuesday, is only going to hit .320 this year.”

*

More Armstrong: “Not that it’s any of my business, but one more tattoo and Allen Iverson is going to be all ink and bones.”

*

Have you tried? New York Yankee public address announcer Bob Sheppard, who was recently honored for 50 years on the job, on problems pronouncing the name of Kentucky Derby-winning Fusaichi Pegasus:

“My pattern has always been to go to the athlete and ask personally how to pronounce his name. That obviously can’t happen with a horse.”

*

Inside grilling: Tampa Bay Buccaneer Coach Tony Dungy spoke to prisoners in a Florida correctional facility, telling them never to give up on life.

They applauded, then one asked, “Why do you keep running Warrick Dunn up the middle?”

*

Inside drilling: Frank Robinson, baseball’s new czar of discipline, played in an era when hitters rarely got comfortable in the batter’s box. He was asked how hard-edged Bob Gibson would have reacted if a young player had glared at him after an inside pitch.

“The next time up, Gibson would have drilled him,” Robinson said, “and he would have said, ‘OK, now you’ve got something to be upset about.’ ”

*

Polite abuse: This is “National Etiquette Week,” and already comedy writer Jerry Perisho is noticing a difference: “Fans heckling John Rocker are screaming, ‘You’re an idiot,

sir!’ ”

*

Looking back: On this day in 1955, Sam “Toothpick” Jones of the Chicago Cubs got a no-hitter the hard way in the ninth inning against Pittsburgh.

He walked the bases full, then struck out the next three batters for a 4-0 victory.

*

Trivia answer: Eddie Jones, .432.

*

And finally: Ah, some new Yogi-isms. Yogi Berra. concerned about reports that Whitey Ford had experienced a recurrence of cancer, called his former batterymate, according to the Associated Press, and inquired, “You dead yet?”

“I’m still here,” came the reply.