Second City Is More Like Second Choice

Rick Telander of the Chicago Sun-Times writes that Seattle Mariner free-agent shortstop Alex Rodriguez is not going to play for the White Sox or Cubs:

“Rodriguez says he likes a serious baseball town like Chicago and he likes the Sox. But that’s like saying he likes root beer and chili dogs.

”. . . We Chicagoans have come to expect second-class status, to know we’ll never get that supreme godlike athlete who is in his peak and not hanging on with bum knees and creaky bones and a clandestine exit strategy.

“It is good enough for us to be in the hunt.”

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Trivia time: Who holds the NFL record for fumbles in a game?

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It’s not Florida: The Gallery column of the San Diego Union-Tribune reports there were some problems with election returns in Michigan too, but officials there had a good excuse. A black bear held them hostage.

“After Tuesday night’s election, the 300- to 400-pound bear trapped voting officials inside the Readmond Township hall in northern Michigan, preventing them from getting their ballots to the county clerk’s office.

“The officials passed time counting ballots amid bumps in the night.”

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Flop artist: Peter Vecsey of the New York Post, commenting on Karl Malone, now in his 16th season with the Utah Jazz:

“In all that time, Malone has only missed six games, leading me to wonder out loud how come the referees have yet to figure out that he initiates contact every single time on double teams.

“The guy simply leans into the incoming defender and then takes a dive, prompting an automatic call in his favor.”

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Jock separation: Frank Layden, former Jazz coach and executive, once said: “When I coached at Niagara, we gave recruits a piece of caramel candy. If they took the wrapper off before eating it, they got a basketball scholarship; otherwise, they got a football scholarship.”

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Reasonable assumption: Reader Janice Hough of Palo Alto, to the San Francisco Chronicle: “I just figured out how Jacksonville was awarded the 2005 Super Bowl. They must have counted the votes in Palm Beach County.”

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Looking back: On this day in 1994, Prairie View lost, 52-7, to Jackson State, breaking the NCAA Division I-AA record for consecutive losses with its 45th. Columbia lost 44 in a row from 1983-88.

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Trivia answer: Len Dawson of Kansas City, seven against San Diego on Nov. 15, 1964.

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And finally: When President Clinton was governor of Arkansas, he told Golf Digest that he was stressed out one day, canceled two appointments and went to a golf course, where he recorded an eagle on a par-four hole.

“I had an eagle and I couldn’t tell anybody. I was like the minister who plays on Sunday morning. I couldn’t tell a soul. At least I had a witness.”