LAUGH LINES

Up for the Part: “Kevin Costner [will reportedly star] in a Cuban crisis movie. Costner is perfect for the role. . . . His movies have been one crisis after another.” (Kenny Noble Cortes)

The Intellectual Barbarian: “There’s talk of a new ‘Conan, the Barbarian’ movie. No word on whether Arnold Schwarzenegger will be involved. . . . Producers say it’ll be a more literate movie--’Conan, the Librarian.’ ” (Daily Scoop)

Room Service: “In San Francisco, developers want to build a floating hotel that would be a giant replica of the Titanic. The great thing about the Titanic hotel is that instead of going down the hall to get ice, the ice comes to your room.” (Conan O’Brien)

Dog-Eat-Dog World: “Investors discovered their Pets.com stock floating upside down. That company with the annoying sock puppet went belly-up. . . . The company blames it on the guy Who Let the Dogs Out.” (Alex Kaseberg)

I Do: “Tennessee residents David and Lauren Blair will continue getting married to each other. [They] hope by February to break the Guinness Book of World Records’ mark for the most weddings, at 57. [That’s] nothing to sneeze at. At that number, they’re tied with Elizabeth Taylor.” (Mark Wheeler)

Got a joke? Send it to Laugh Lines by fax, (213) 237-0732, or mail, Southern California Living, Los Angeles Times, 202 W. 1st St., Los Angeles, 90012.