Miller Has a Sinking Feeling About Ross

Chicago Bear quarterback Jim Miller played for the Detroit Lions in 1998, and didn’t play a single down for the team. So what does he think of Bobby Ross, then the Lions’ coach?

“Quite frankly, if Bobby Ross was the captain of the Titanic, he’d be the first one in the lifeboat,” Miller said. “The guy’s a liar and a loser, and that’s the way I Iook at him.”

Aw, come on, Jim, don’t sugarcoat it.

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Trivia time: When was the last time USC played a football game on Christmas Day?

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Lure of the Irish: Even though Jon Gruden withdrew from consideration for the Notre Dame coaching job, Billy Ray Smith of Fox’s “NFL This Morning” still thinks Gruden could someday wind up at South Bend:

“Jon Gruden could go from working for a guy who thinks he’s God, to doing the real thing.”

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Who’ll help him on? Charles Barkley says he might make a comeback and join his pal Michael Jordan with the Washington Wizards.

“This guy says he’s riding to the cavalry to help Jordan,” said Tony Kornheiser on ESPN’s “Pardon the Interruption.” “He can’t even fit on a horse.”

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Vicious! Fullback Mike Sellers, after being arrested and charged with felony drug abuse, was released by the Cleveland Browns for what they called a “combination of reasons.”

Said Ken Rudolph of Fox’s “The Best Damn Sports Show Period:” “That combination is purportedly one part baking soda and two parts cocaine.”

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Not a bad idea: Jerry Greene in the Orlando Sentinel: “So how is Sports Illustrated doing? They put Nebraska QB Eric Crouch on the cover--and the Cornhuskers promptly gave up 62 points.

“They put the Washington Redskins on the cover--and they promptly lost to Dallas. You know what? Why doesn’t SI give its Athlete-of-the-Year award to Osama bin Laden?”

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A new low is found: “I think the fans in Chicago should really boycott [the Bulls],” says Stephen Smith of the Philadelphia Inquirer. “They are beyond mediocre, they are beyond atrocious.”

However, Tom FitzGerald of the San Francisco Chronicle says that in a recent 28-point loss to Chicago, the Houston Rockets did the unthinkable:

“They were even beyond the Bulls.”

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OK, OK, drop it: Mike Bianchi of the Orlando Sentinel had a Heisman vote but it didn’t go to Miami quarterback Ken Dorsey: “He’s Gino Torretta without the receding hairline.

“If Dorsey were a meal, he’d be ham and eggs.

“If he were a beer, he’d be Budweiser. Sorry, but I want my Heisman winner to be a good steak and a cold Heineken.

“Something phenomenal, not just functional.”

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Trivia answer: The Trojans played the Kamehameha High School Alumni in 1935 in Hawaii. USC won, 33-7, before an estimated 10,000.

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And finally: The recent crowd of 35,052 that came to see Jordan sit out the game and rest his aching knee was the San Antonio Spurs’ largest of the season.

Mike Finger of the San Antonio Express-News called him “Chair Jordan.”