COLLEGE BASKETBALL TOP 25

No. Team (record) Comment

1. Stanford (23-1) You’re the top, you’re the Monty Lisa.

2. North Carolina (21-3) Duke cheerleaders vote Doherty “ugliest ACC coach.”

3. Illinois (21-5) Rankman will miss tonight’s game at Ohio State--gone skiing.

4. Duke (24-3) Not to be outdone by Dalis, AD says Coach K. will be back.

5. Michigan State (21-3) Spunky Spartans avenge loss to Whoville Hoosiers.

6. Iowa State (23-3) Team UCLA doesn’t want to face in tournament--again.

7. Arizona (19-7) Came to L.A. last week, then split.

8. Florida (19-5) Rankman missed Wednesday’s game vs. Ole Miss--gone fishing.

9. Virginia (18-6) Rafters still shaking from Adam Hall’s put-back against Duke.

10. UCLA (17-6) Lavin lists starting five as “doubtful” for Oregon.

11. Boston College (19-4) Rankman missed Wednesday’s big Notre Dame showdown--gone hunting.

12. Kansas (20-5) Ghost of Phog Allen haunts Coach Roy after another loss to Iowa State.

13. Mississippi (21-5) What’s-his-name, the coach, doesn’t get enough respect.

14. Kentucky (18-7) Fans take back all those mean, cruel things they said about team.

15. Alabama (20-6) Killing time until until NCAA comes down hard on football team.

16. Oklahoma (21-5) Rankman missed Heywood’s buzzer-beater vs. Missouri--dance lessons.

17. Syracuse (20-6) It’s 154 miles east of Buffalo, as the snow flies.

18. Notre Dame (18-6) Seems like 11 years since Irish made the NCAA tournament.

19. Wisconsin (17-7) Three starters offered jobs in defense department.

20. St. Joseph’s (22-4) Martelli no longer just America’s funniest coach.

21. Tennessee (18-9) Hey Buford, didn’t we used to be higher in the polls?

22. Providence (19-7) Rick Pitino not interested in this job either.

23. Creighton (21-6) Rankman takes time off to learn the fight song.

24. Wake Forest (18-8) Edges out Maryland on our “All-Fadeaway” team.

25. USC (17-7) “Walk on, for old SC, sit in the stands, behind Bibby.”