LAUGH LINES

Let’s Talk: “There are reports that after he leaves office, President Clinton may get his own TV talk show. See, the format will be a little different. . . . Like on his talk show, the guests will be under the desk.” (Jay Leno)

Not-So-Great Expectations: “According to a new poll, 60% of Americans have very, very low expectations for the George W. Bush presidency. Earlier today, he said he is going to do his very best to live up to those expectations.” (David Letterman)

It’s a Long Story: “The big story is Hillary Clinton [will be] getting $8 million to write about her life in the White House--including all of Bill’s affairs. Actually, she can’t write about all of his affairs, or else it would turn into one of those Time Life series books where you get one a month for 80 months.” (Leno)

Family Support: “George W. Bush has been chosen as Time magazine’s Person of the Year. After hearing about it, [Bush] said: ‘Really? You mean my brother Jeb picks that too?’ ” (Conan O’Brien)

Reading the Signs: “There was an article in USA Today about George Bush’s body language. . . . They said when he’s annoyed, he narrows his eyes; and when he’s tired, his face sags a little bit; when he’s happy, he kind of lifts his shoulders. They didn’t say what he does when he’s in deep thought because apparently that hasn’t happened yet.” (Leno)

On the Run: “In Germany, an escaped tiger stopped traffic on the autobahn for more than two hours before he was recaptured. Police say catching the tiger was easy. The hard part was convincing it to go home to Siegfried and Roy.” (O’Brien)

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