Giants Can Take Another Week of Melba Toast

Syndicated columnist Norman Chad, writing before the New York Giants played the Philadelphia Eagles, characterized the Giants as a “nagging cold sore that won’t go away,” adding:

“You know how you’re not supposed to look at the sun directly during a solar eclipse or it will damage your eyes. Same thing applies to the Giants when they’re on offense.

“Things I’d rather do than watch the Giants play football:

* “Eat peanut butter on Melba toast every day for a year.

* “Climb Mount Everest with Rush Limbaugh on my back.

* “Watch a soccer game.”

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Trivia time: In 1938, Hank Luisetti of Stanford set a conference scoring record that would last for 28 years. How many points did he score?

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Snappy one-liners: Some excerpts from Dick Enberg’s book, “Humorous Quotes for All Occasions:”

* “Managing is getting paid for home runs that someone else hits.”--Casey Stengel.

* “If I only had a little humility, I’d be perfect.”--Ted Turner.

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Pitino parting: Dan Shaughnessy of the Boston Globe on Rick Pitino’s unsuccessful tenure as the Celtic coach:

“It’s been awful watching the final days of Pitino’s regime. His players strayed from the huddle when he called a timeout, Celtic fans hooted him from behind the bench, his kids were teased in school, and the absentee owner said nothing at all.

” . . . The Pitino era in Boston is over. And we all know he will resurrect some college program soon. UCLA might be a nice place to start.”

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Class by himself: Randy Moss, the Minnesota Vikings’ spectacular receiver, said he wasn’t sure how he was going to play in an opening playoff game against New Orleans.

So he caught “only” two passes in the game--53- and 68-yard touchdown receptions.

Comment from Rick Morrissey of the Chicago Tribune: “When Moss questions his ability, it goes something like this: ‘Why am I so good?’ ”

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Desperate: Sacramento King part-owner Joe Maloof on Chris Webber, a free agent after the NBA season:

“We will prod. We will cajole. We will put our best foot forward and hold on for dear life. Money, within the rules, will be no object. Nor will any legitimate perks.”

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The more the merrier: Joe Bugel, Charger offensive line coach and former head coach of the Oakland Raiders, on where Raider fans come from: “They load them on the bus at the county jail and bring them on in.”

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Trivia answer: Luisetti scored 50 points against Duquesne.

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And finally: Miami Heat Coach Pat Riley, on whether he had any ideas how to make undersized Anthony Mason and Brian Grant more formidable against opposing big men:

“We need to hang them by their thumbs four hours a day.”