Talk About a Loaded Question!

An L.A. County sheriff’s deputy, testifying in a criminal case, was asked by a defense attorney why he had not written down the license plate of the suspect’s vehicle.

“Because your client was shooting at me,” the deputy responded, according to the city of Paramount’s action-packed newsletter.

SOMETHING TO GET CHARGED UP ABOUT: “I know electricity bills are going up, but this much?” asked Shirley Taylor of Whittier, referring to her latest bill, which was 600 times larger than the previous month’s (see accompanying). She checked with Southern California Edison and was told it was a “computer error.” (Easy to blame those faithless computers, isn’t it?)

WAIT TILL THE NEXT JOB EVALUATION: Jim Schumacher of Hermosa Beach observed a “scare” owl that seemed to have befriended a number of the enemy (see photo).

STUPID DRIVER OF THE DAY: “While filling up at a gas station in Burbank, I heard a strange noise that grew louder and louder,” said Kirby Furlong of Canoga Park. “Imagine my surprise when the noise turned out to be a man in his mid-20s driving down the street while missing his left front tire--the entire thing! No tire, no rim, nothing. He was riding on the brake pad, sending up a huge trail of sparks.”

Furlong said the motorist proceeded down the road “like nothing odd was happening.”

A GOOD WAY TO GET YOUR TEETH KNOCKED OUT: “I thought I had seen everything--till a pickup truck passed me,” said Don Brown of Lawndale.

“It looked like the guy was using an Interplak toothbrush. Sure enough, when the traffic stopped, I was beside him and he was using an electric toothbrush. I’m not sure where he was spitting and I guess I don’t want to know.”

(Next column: Windshield wipers? Who needs windshield wipers?)

ONE HUNDRED YEARS AGO: In a story headlined “Century’s First Drunk,” The Times told of the trial of John Smith, “the first man arrested in Los Angeles in the new century.” Charged with “tumultuous conduct” at a Salvation Army barracks, he claimed he was a peaceful sort attempting to break up a fight between two other guests.

As for his claim that he never got drunk, jail officials said he attempted to smuggle in a bottle of gin the night he was pinched.

His place in L.A. history merited a $5 fine.

THE NEXT BEST THING TO SNOWBALLS: For the kids at Mt. Washington Elementary School, it was a different kind of lesson.

An Adohr rep dropped by to give tips on how to use transparent plastic milk bags, which the company is substituting for cartons at local schools.

The seminar was quite thorough. At one point the rep said, “If you want to apply milk to your cereal, gently turn the bag over and squeeze. Do not remove the straw because it will seal up.” (Yes, he used the word “apply.”)

All proceeded smoothly until the rep declared that the bags were virtually “indestructible.” Taking a scientific interest in this claim, a few students began tossing the milk-filled containers around like baseballs. Conclusion: They aren’t all that indestructible.

School authorities quickly stepped in to stop the impromptu experiment.

miscelLAny:

Though energy costs are on the rise, so are salaries, judging from the ad spotted by Tim Whyte of Tustin (see accompanying). Heck, I’d be satisfied with a job at the lower, $25,000-per-hour level.

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Steve Harvey can be reached at (800) LATIMES, Ext. 77083, by fax at (213) 237-4712, by mail at Metro, L.A. Times, 202 W. 1st St., L.A., 90012 and by e-mail at steve.harvey@latimes.com.