He’s Hoping That Payton Tirade Is a Roaring Success

John McGrath in the Tacoma (Wash.) News Tribune:

“Suspending Gary Payton for a shouting incident is a little bit like chastising Eminem for splitting his infinitives. The book on the headaches created by King Ornery is so thick, so stuffed with details, it would take Evelyn Wood a week to sort out the footnotes. . . .

“The suspension is on a trial basis, which is to say Payton can write his return ticket simply by sitting still for a few hours and applying a lock on his howitzer-trigger tongue.

“For once, though, I’d welcome a classic tantrum performance by the Glove Unlimited Orchestra, so that heretofore gentle murmurs of the Sonics possibly dealing Payton would escalate into a full-scale blare.

“A tirade today, a trade tomorrow. Roar, Gary, roar.”

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Trivia time: Who holds the single-game Super Bowl record for yards rushing?

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Away from the fray: Rick Reilly of Sports Illustrated, commenting on Michael Jordan’s hapless Washington Wizards:

“True, Jordan said he wanted to be in his players’ faces this season to see if they had fire in their eyes, but he does have a satellite dish and very good reception.”

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Deserved penalty: Peter Vecsey in the New York Post: “Had Marcus Camby’s punch found its target, the Garden’s maintenance crew would’ve had to scrape up Danny Ferry with a Zamboni.

“That said, how could anyone in Camp Cablevision possibly protest Camby’s penance--five games in suspended animation, plus a 25G fine--as gaveled by the league’s VP of Viciousness, Stu Jackson?”

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Quiet time: Tom FitzGerald in the San Francisco Chronicle: “Breathe Right, the company that makes nasal strips for Jerry Rice and ordinary people, will sell its products in the colors of the Ravens and Giants. Great. That should keep the snoring down on couches everywhere on Super Bowl Sunday.”

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Fire alert: New York Giant guard Glenn Parker, who weighs in at 310 pounds or so, on his Super Bowl matchup against Baltimore Raven defensive tackle Tony Siragusa, who is listed at 340:

“Any time you get two guys that big going against each other, you’re always in danger of a lot of friction, and maybe a grease fire.”

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Matter of time: Steve Rosenbloom in the Chicago Tribune: “After the Penguins lost a late lead against Phoenix on Wednesday, [Mario] Lemieux said the referees robbed his team.

“Who had 22 days in the Lemieux-rips-the-officiating pool?”

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Trivia answer: Timmy Smith of the Washington Redskins, 204 yards against the Denver Broncos in 1988.

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And finally: Comedy writer Jerry Perisho, commenting on Angel slugger Mo Vaughn’s sitting out most of the coming season:

“That figures. After all, the Angels play at Edison International Field--’Home of the Inadequate Power Supply.’ ”