It’s a Game of Inches, and of Feet, Too

Unless you’re the Chicago Bears, who seem to have this get-the-ball-to-safety-Mike-Brown-in-overtime thing down cold, you’re going to need field goals to win in the NFL.

Morten Andersen has been delivering them, with the precision of a Danish timepiece, for the last 20 years. Tee it up, knock it through, tee it up, knock it through. For 19 years, his exquisite craftsmanship was wasted on the Atlanta Falcons and the New Orleans Saints--one Super Bowl appearance between them--but now he works for the defending NFC champions, who asked Andersen Sunday to kick them out of a three-game slump.

“They gave me a paycheck,” Andersen said nonchalantly after drilling the 42-yard field goal that separated the scuffling New York Giants from the Dallas Cowboys, 27-24, in overtime. “I guess I earned it.”

As opposed to Pittsburgh’s Kris Brown, who couldn’t hit the side of the barn with a paddle if he were standing on the edge of the pier, missing four of five field-goal attempts, including a 35-yarder in the final seconds, to let the defending Super Bowl champion Baltimore Ravens off the hook in a 13-10 Steeler defeat.

One for five.

That sounds like a typical quarter for Ryan Leaf (and more on that later).

Or the Kansas City Chiefs in games played since Sept. 30 (and more on that later).

That doesn’t sound like a kicker with one of the best track records in the NFL this season, one who entered Sunday’s important AFC Central game having converted 11 of 13 attempts in 2001, including seven of eight from 40 yards or longer.

Brown-out in Pittsburgh--or, if you prefer the subtitle, “Shanks A Lot.”

1. From 38 yards: Good.

2. From 41 yards: Wide right.

3. From 33 yards: Blocked by Chris McAlister.

4. From 48 yards with 4:22 left: Wide right.

5. From 35 yards with 0:14 left: Wide right.

Was it the swirling, unpredictable wind whipping through Heinz Field? Was it the bruised knee Brown sustained when his 33-yarder was blocked? Was it the hypnotic spell of the stadium’s giant gushing ketchup bottle, the attack of the killer tomato sauce?

“I have no excuse for anything,” Brown said. “I just didn’t perform today.”

That turned matters over to Baltimore kicker Matt Stover, who provided more than 50% of the Ravens’ offense, converting an extra point and two field goals, including a 40-yard game-winner. This was fine work, a job well done under rugged circumstances, yet all this earned Stover was grudging backhanded praise from teammate Tony Siragusa, who makes his living sitting on other human beings.

“I don’t want to give Matt Stover too much credit--he’s a glorified soccer player--but I’ve got to give it to him,” Siragusa said. “With the wind today, it was tough to kick field goals.”

Funny, hearing that from Siragusa, a glorified 340-pound beer-and-nachos receptacle. Stover, or any soccer player I can think of, can run circles around Siragusa. In fact, many soccer players living in the greater Baltimore area conduct their off-season conditioning this way.

You cannot overestimate the value of a good field-goal kicker in today’s hair-splitting NFL, unless, as I say, you’re the Bears and you simply play for overtime and wait for Mike Brown to get open.

Cleveland lost to Brown and the Bears, 27-21, in overtime, in a manner that doesn’t happen to anyone unless Byung-Hyun Kim is pitching for them.

Cleveland leads, 21-7, with a minute to play.

Cleveland leads, 21-14, with 32 seconds to play.

Cleveland fails to cover up the onside kick, fails to bat away Shane Matthews’ Hail-Mary pass, fails to stop the Bears’ James Allen from tying the game with zero seconds to play.

On to overtime, a.k.a. Mike Brown time. An interception off the hands of San Francisco’s Terrell Owens last week, an interception this time after Chicago lineman Bryan Robinson gets in the way of a Tim Couch pass and bats the ball high into the air, a can of corn for the Bears’ nose-for-the-football safety. Brown returns both for touchdowns. Sudden death for the 49ers and the Browns, and suddenly the Bears are 6-1 and still alone atop the NFC Central standings.

Green Bay, which has mastered the art of defending the Hail Mary, deploying LeRoy Butler and Darren Sharper to double-team the ball on Brad Johnson’s last-gasp lob, held off Tampa Bay, 21-20, to remain a game back of Bears at 5-2. Tampa Bay is now 3-4 for the fourth time in four years--and who says there’s nothing or nobody dependable in the NFL anymore?

Losing streak ended: In San Diego, Kansas City won for the first time since September, first by knocking out Doug Flutie, then by knocking off the rest of the Chargers, 25-20, the Chiefs’ first victory in their last five attempts.

Losing streaks continued: Carolina, which hasn’t won since opening day, was swept away by the Miami defense in the shadow of Hurricane Michelle, 23-6, and Detroit, which hasn’t won since 2000, dropped to 0-7 with 21-13 defeat at San Francisco.

Loser streak continued: That’s right, Ryan Leaf was readmitted into professional football society on a pardon from Jerry Jones and Dave Campo, throwing eight passes during the Cowboys’ overtime loss to the Giants. For this to occur, of course, Tony Banks had to be cut, Quincy Carter and Anthony Wright had to get hurt and Clint Stoerner had to throw four interceptions against New York, but these things happen to those who wait.

Glad to be back, Ryan?

“Fourth quarter, tie game, Giants Stadium and you’re on your own three-yard line. You’d like it to be easier,” Leaf groused.

Well, we missed you too.