Will NFL Give Us L.A. Ex Games?

Old Vikings never die, they just dig up new ways to annoy Angelenos.

Roger Headrick, the former Viking CEO, told the St. Paul Pioneer Press recently that he “isn’t sure Los Angeles is a favored site for the next NFL team relocation. I think Toronto and Mexico City are just as likely as Los Angeles.”

Yeah, yeah, yeah, yada, yada, yada.

I can remember sitting in a Berlin hotel meeting room in 1990, days before the Rams were to play the Chiefs in the American Bowl, and listening to Paul Tagliabue talk enthusiastically about international NFL expansion, as if it were just around the corner. England was a likely destination, Tagliabue said. London--he could definitely see an NFL franchise playing in London someday.

Instead, we ended up with Jacksonville.

Toronto?

Mexico City?

As we say here in Los Angeles: Bring ‘em on.

FOOTBALL HERITAGE

Los Angeles: Proud home of the ex-Los Angeles Rams, ex-Los Angeles Raiders, ex-Los Angeles Chargers, ex-Los Angeles Dons, ex-Los Angeles Express, ex-Los Angeles Cobras and ex-Los Angeles Xtreme. When it comes to this town and professional football, ex-marks the spot.

Toronto: Proud home of the Canadian Football League Argonauts, originally founded in 1873, winners of 14 Grey Cups, although none since Doug Flutie went south.

Mexico City: Proud to have had Dallas Cowboy games piped into living rooms every autumn since 1966. Although, lately, local residents have been complaining about the quality of the telecasts.

FACILITIES

Los Angeles: The Coliseum was the site of the 1932 and 1984 Olympics and the first Super Bowl. The Rose Bowl was the NFL’s preferred alternative in case it was forced to move the 2002 Super Bowl out of New Orleans. But the league says it won’t put a team here until a “suitable” stadium is built.

Mexico City: Azteca Stadium has been the site of the 1968 Olympics, the 1970 and 1986 World Cups and four NFL American Bowls, including a 1994 exhibition between the Cowboys and the Houston Oilers that drew a league-record 112,376 spectators because no one bothered to mention, “Psst, los Oilers eran muy malos.”

Toronto: The SkyDome remains home to the Argonauts and the American League Blue Jays, although it lost out on the 2008 Olympics to Beijing and local residents still can’t figure out why. With 70 rooms overlooking the field, the SkyDome hotel offered IOC members the unprecedented amenity of inspecting the track and field competition while opening graft packages, all in the comfort of their own luxury suites.

MEMORABLE MOMENT

Los Angeles: Norm Van Brocklin and Tom Fears connected on a 73-yard fourth-quarter touchdown pass to lead the 1951 Rams to a 24-17 victory over the Cleveland Browns and the team’s first--and only--NFL championship while in Los Angeles.

Mexico City: For reasons yet to be fully explained, Quincy Carter quarterbacked the Cowboys to a 21-6 American Bowl victory over the Raiders at Azteca Stadium in August.

Toronto: In a 1912 game against Ottawa, the Argonauts punted 41 times for 1,300 yards, committed 14 fumbles, lost seven of them, and still won, 23-11.

FOOTBALL LEGENDS

Los Angeles: Bob Waterfield, Deacon Jones, Merlin Olsen, Eric Dickerson, Marcus Allen.

Toronto: Doug Flutie, Matt Dunigan, Dick Thornton, Conredge Holloway, Dick Shatto.

Mexico City: Jorge Campos, Luis Hernandez, Hugo Sanchez, Ramon Ramirez, Carlos Hermosillo.

FOOTBALL AS RELIGION

Toronto: SkyDome architect Rod Robie envisioned his creation as “a place similar to a cathedral, a place where people meet ... something that will be here for 100 years.”

Mexico City: After punching the ball into the net to beat England in the 1986 World Cup quarterfinals, Maradona informed everyone inside Azteca Stadium that they had just witnessed “The Hand of God.”

Los Angeles: After Al Davis and Georgia Frontiere, we’ve gone agnostic.

FAMOUS WATERBOY QUOTATIONS

Los Angeles: “Of course I have ‘bottled water.’ You see any canteens here?”

Toronto: “How ‘bout some Molson, eh?”

Mexico City: “Wouldn’t drink that if I were you.”

POTENTIAL NFL CONCERNS

Los Angeles: Spectator safety. Rough crowds in and around the Coliseum are purportedly an NFL turnoff. This is news to USC fans, who haven’t noticed any trouble in and around the Coliseum since the Raiders moved.

Mexico City: Player safety. At this year’s American Bowl, Cowboy and Raider players were instructed to stay close to the team hotel because of the city’s high crime rate. The objective that week, according to Raider Eric Allen, was to “go down there, not get sick and come back healthy.”

Toronto: Spectator and player safety. In April, a baseball game between the Blue Jays and the Kansas City Royals had to be postponed when an aluminum panel on the SkyDome’s retractable roof loosened and fell on the field. “It was pretty interesting,” said Dan Reichert, the Royals’ scheduled starter that day, “but then after that we were thinking what would have happened if the wind changed a little bit and it came into our dugout and someone got decapitated.”

WHERE WOULD THE NFL PUT THEM?

Los Angeles: With St. Louis, Oakland and San Diego in the NFC Steel Cage Match West.

Toronto: With Buffalo, Chicago and New England in the AFC Worse Without Flutie North.

Mexico City: With Jacksonville, Tennessee and Arizona in the NFC What In The World Were We Thinking South.

WHAT WOULD WE CALL THEM?

Toronto: Argo-nots.

Los Angeles: LA Ex.

Mexico City: Punt Pass and El Equipo.

WILL THE NFL FLY THERE?

Toronto: Doubtful. This is Argonaut country, where men are men and if you can’t make 10 yards in two downs, you better go for the rouge .

Mexico City: Doubtful. From a peak of 112,376 in 1994, attendance for NFL American Bowls at Azteca Stadium has slumped to 104,629 in 1997 to 88,309 in 2001, suggesting a passing fad.

Los Angeles: Of course. Visit any sports bar in the area on an NFL Sunday. The place will be loaded with Packer fans, Bronco fans, Dolphin fans, Steeler fans. However, home viewers without satellite dishes have been known to complain about too many Ram and Raider games on Fox and CBS.