The City Has Become Allison Wonderland

I’m not sure if I have ever been this excited.

The Kings have traded for Jason Allison, I know, I know, I’m as blown away by the whole thing as you are. Jason Allison in a Kings’ sweater. Pinch me.

Remind me to check with local hospitals in the morning to see how many parents have suddenly decided to name their newborns Jason or Allison. I might even try to convince my wife tonight to have another child.

RIGHT AWAY, of course, I raced to Staples Center to beat the crush and buy two tickets for his first game in Los Angeles on Nov.1. As you might have guessed, there was a long line, which gave me the chance to talk puck.

“Just thrilled, eh,” I said.

“Me too,” said Joe Tirado. “They still have tickets for U2.”

I thought maybe I was in the wrong line, but even though this was obviously a turning point in the Kings’ popularity, Staples Center had only one of 17 windows open for every kind of ticket being sold. “It’s my son Timothy’s 16th birthday,” Jim Calandro said. “I’m buying two tickets for the Laker exhibition game.”

I’m sure the Kings would have given him a chance to drive the Zamboni.

Mark Lennon was also in line for Laker tickets, and that left only the guy packing a gun, which should have been the tipoff this was a hockey fan.

“Where else can you go and blow off steam and watch all that physical contact?” said Mark Rickerl, a Gardena police officer.

I thought about suggesting a Raider game, since he already had a gun to make his way through the parking lot, but it was my turn at the window, and there were a lot of people behind me eager to get U2 tickets.

“These seats are available for $105.50 each,” she said, and for $105.50 I was surprised when she didn’t point to a place on the Kings’ bench.

IT’S HARD, though, to resist the lure of Jason Allison. To be honest, I haven’t been this excited since Norm Chow came to town. Now if this makes me a Kings’ fan, so be it. I put $161 on my credit card--that’s $80.50 a ticket, a night out with my wife, and you can see the lengths I’m willing to go--to be there when Ally, as we hockey fans know Jason Allison, steps on the home ice for the first time.

I only hope he can hear me cheering, because I know when I go to some of USC’s games, I’m told later they feel like I’m not behind the Trojans.

The Kings know how happy I am, though, and they said I’m not alone. They said they normally sell about 30 tickets a day, which is shocking, but Wednesday they went wild after everyone heard about Allison, selling 100 tickets. You’re talking about almost doubling the Ducks’ average attendance for a game--if they had thought of something like this first.

You talk about changing dull hockey as we know it in this town--Dwyre tells me Ally “will remind you of a young Wayne Gretzky,” and I think we all have a pretty good idea around here how much Dwyre knows about hockey.

I just like the fact I’ve heard of the guy, which puts him one skate ahead of anyone else on the Kings’ roster. I get chills thinking about going to a hockey game now, and I’m looking seriously at Nov. 15 with Dallas because it’s Kings’ Screen Saver Night, and I’d probably be the only one on my block with one of those.

I know it sounds as if I’m getting carried away. I even priced sweaters in the sports store at Staples Center, you know, maybe my wife and I going steady to the game in matching Allison frocks, and wouldn’t we look like the perfect hockey couple. Maybe splurge, and go to Denny’s after the game for dessert.

Unfortunately, all they had were Palffy, Potvin, Buchberger, Stumpel and Fiset sweaters. They have a lot of Fiset sweaters hanging in that store.

Now I can tell you this, you have to have pretty broad shoulders to have “Buchberger” running across your back--I tried one on, and it came out looking like “Bucger.” I thought about asking if I could get a price break on Stumpel, but if they’re still trying to get $155 for Fiset, a minor leaguer, we’ll probably just have to dress normal and live with the fact we’re going to stick out.

I will be wearing a USC baseball cap, , however, fully prepared to throw it on the ice when Ally scores his third goal of the game or if he just shows up--because I’ve tried, and the Disabled Veterans, Purple Heart and Salvation Army won’t take it.

SO MICHELLE Kwan is going to skate her little heart off without a coach any longer, telling us, “It must be earth-breaking news, but for me, it’s the right decision.”

I don’t know--I’m going to struggle with this for some time.

I THINK it’s important, that if someone is going to point out everything that goes wrong at USC, they should also mention those rare occasions when something goes right, and so today I can report that USC great O.J. Simpson has been found not guilty of road rage.

INVESTIGATORS EXAMINED an envelope left at the site of a men’s pro tennis tournament in Switzerland--fearing anthrax, but discovered nothing out of the ordinary for a tennis tournament after determining it was one to two grams of cocaine.

DALLAS COACH Dave Campo had to pick between starting Ryan Leaf or Clint Stoerner. Because Dallas is playing Arizona it really doesn’t matter, although Campo said Stoerner has the edge. Given the state of quarterbacks in the NFL, it makes you wonder why football, rather than baseball, isn’t considering contraction.

TODAY’S LAST word comes in an e-mail from Randy:

“On Nov. 1, President Steven Sample will be the keynote speaker for the 19th annual USC Orange County Executive Briefing Series. You could pay $35 for breakfast and ask him all the questions you want.”

The only thing I want to know is, why do USC pancakes cost so much?

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T.J. Simers can be reached at t.j.simers@latimes.com