Bonds Touches Them All in Loss

A somber Barry Bonds hit his 64th home run Thursday, then he really unloaded.

Bonds said he’s donating $10,000 to the United Way’s disaster relief fund for every home run he hits, that he is having trouble keeping focused while chasing baseball’s home run record, and he sounded as though he’s resigned to leaving the San Francisco Giants at the end of the season as a free agent.

He’s most earnest about pursuing a division title, not home runs, Bonds said after the Giants lost their third in a row to the Houston Astros, 5-4, in 10 innings at Pacific Bell Park.

“I want to win [and] I have 15 games left here,” Bonds said. “I don’t want 15 games to be it for me here. Because I don’t know what’s going to happen.”

Reminded that his words sounded ominous about leaving after this season, Bonds did not deny it.

“I don’t know how to feel,” he said. “I have to think of the worst and hope for the best. I have to prepare myself for any situation.”

Six home runs short of Mark McGwire’s record of 70, Bonds said he is trying “not to think too much,” not because the home run race is on his mind, but because the deadly terrorist attacks still are. And that makes hitting home runs even more difficult, he said.

“Every time I go up there, there’s 9,000 things going through my mind,” Bonds said.

It was a rare public admission of frailty by the greatest slugger in the game. And with two out in the fifth inning, the one thing arcing through the air, a towering drive toward deep center field, was the baseball Bonds struck.

He homered to tie the score, 4-4, on a one-strike pitch from Astro starter Wade Miller, with Rich Aurilia on base. As soon as he made contact, Bonds took one step, dropped his bat and watched the baseball disappear over the green outfield wall just to the right of dead center field.

The crowd coaxed Bonds to make a short appearance at the top step of the dugout to acknowledge the cheers, and he also tipped his cap when he took his position in left field to start the sixth inning.

Bonds, a board member of the United Way, said he felt he needed to do something to show his feelings since the attacks on the World Trade Center and the Pentagon 10 days ago, so he decided to tie the home runs to a donation.

“Today’s the first $10,000,” he said.

Lance Berkman doubled to drive in Jeff Bagwell in the 10th inning as the Astros swept their ninth series this season.

With 15 games remaining, Bonds owns the fourth-highest home run total in a season, behind McGwire’s 70 in 1998 and 66 in 1999 and Sammy Sosa’s 66 in 1998.

It was also the 558th home run in Bonds’ career, which puts him only five behind Reggie Jackson, who is No. 7 on the all-time list with 563.

Jackson and Babe Ruth, who had 714 home runs, are the only left-handed hitters who have more home runs than Bonds.

The distribution of Bonds’ home runs is remarkably even--32 at home and 32 on the road, where the Giants are going next for series at San Diego and at Dodger Stadium.

If Bonds is going to make a move on McGwire, he will need to do it on the road, and he has been remarkably successful against the Padres.

Bonds has seven home runs against the Padres this year and is a career .335 hitter at San Diego, where he has hit 27 home runs. Bonds made it clear afterward that he, like most other major league players, is having difficulty playing baseball so soon after the attacks. But he said he understands his task.

“This is our job. It’s very, very important for us as Americans to get back to the way things were. We’ll never be the same. This is something that will be in the history books forever.

“We try to perform and try to keep it in the background when we’re on the field. It’s hard to do right now.

“It’s just that I’m glad to be an American citizen. I’m glad to be here in this country.”

At the same time, the players take the field, the sluggers go for the fences and the records come closer into view. Bonds says he feels the weight of it all.

“Everyone has his own way of how he feels. There are so many mixed feelings in everyone’s clubhouse. It’s tough to cheer all the time and be happy all the time. It’s just tough right now.

“I just believe in the country, I believe in the president. We’re a strong nation and we don’t give up. We’re going to stay strong and we’re going to say, ‘Hey, you’re not going to keep us down.”’

Bonds said the Giants will bounce back and that he will move on toward the home run record.

“Every day it gets harder,” he said.

“I just feel a lot of emotions going on right now.”

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Chasing History

Barry Bonds is in pursuit of Mark McGwire’s major league record 70 home runs, set in 1998:

HOME RUNS AFTER 147 GAMES

BARRY BONDS 2001: 64

MARK McGWIRE 1998: 62