It’s a Sure Bet Mickelson Will Scramble His Plans

I played in a golf tournament earlier this week and found myself teamed with three jokers, who individually, were the worst I’ve ever seen. And that includes Dwyre, and all the women I’ve watched play.

Had I known ahead of time that Rod Pitts, who arranged the pairings, was a former USC football player, I’d have expected to be stuck with such hackers.

Anyway, it wasn’t a total loss, because the Mickelson Solution came to me on about the 15th hole as my scramble teammate Eddie Delahoussaye lined up a putt, and I found myself yelling at the jockey, “Don’t be short.”

In fact, wouldn’t you think if anybody was going to have a good short game it would be somebody like Delahoussaye? Well, let me tell you, he does--off the tee.

His idea of letting the shaft out and really going for it is to try to clear the ladies’ tee. His golfing friends, Ray Kravagna and Tiny Gelalich, are so bad, they had no such lofty expectations.

I will say this, however, Phil Mickelson has about as much chance of winning the Masters tournament as Delahoussaye, Kravagna or Gelalich.

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THERE’S ONLY one way for Mickelson to win a major, and that’s if the gods of golf, who have already tampered with Augusta National, continue to be sacrilegious and play the Masters as a scramble.

The whole idea of a scramble is for everyone to go for it on every shot, which would make Mickelson a prohibitive favorite. The only way you can gag in a scramble is to be the team’s anchor, and leave a putt short like Delahoussaye, the choker.

Golf has so many dull, conservative players. You put two or three of them with Go-For-It-All Phil, and there’s no way anyone could assemble a scramble team to beat them. In fact the only thing separating Mickelson from greatness and a half dozen major wins, is Mickelson.

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YOU CAN make the argument Mickelson is the most compelling player in golf now, and much like the Indianapolis 500 everyone is waiting for the crash.

The reason for this, of course, is that Mickelson has a gambling problem.

You go to Las Vegas and take a $20,000 flyer on the Ravens at 28-1 to win the Super Bowl before the season and collect $560,000, as ESPN’s Bob Ryan reported previously about Mickelson, and I guess that’s not that outlandish for someone making the money he does. And with that kind of luck, it’s understandable why he’d put another $20,000 down on Arizona to win the World Series at 38-1--winning $760,000.

There’s no indication how many wagers he’s lost, but here’s the real gambling problem for a professional golfer: When you’re packing that kind of roulette attitude, you also better be carrying some extra golf balls with you. Let’s face it, Mickelson’s ball is the one most likely to go in the drink because he’s the one most likely to try to hit it across the ocean.

Mickelson is No. 1 in recording birdies on the PGA Tour, making him the perfect scramble player. He also has something like 16 bogeys on par fivesdemonstrating he plays every tournament like it’s a scramble and pays for his aggressiveness.

Remember when the PGA frowned on him for betting with golfer Mike Weir during a Jim Furyk-Tiger Woods playoff at the NEC Invitational last August?

That wager tells you all you need to know about Mickelson and his all-or-nothing attitude--wagering $500 that Furyk would hole a bunker shot.

He won that bet like his shot-in-the-dark football and baseball wagers. Maybe that’s the Mickelson Solution, making himself into such a longshot now that he might want to bet on himself.

Makes you wonder if he’d play it safer with his own money on the line.

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RADINE RAMSEY grew up loving sports, she said, because her father, Ray Quincy Hayes, took her to Rams’ games, and later split season tickets to watch the Kings. I was concerned about this, because I’m not sure a father should be commended for making a hockey fan out of his daughter.

But Ramsey tells me Hayes was something special, and it would mean a lot to her, and Hayes’ many friends and family, if I mentioned his name and gave him his due as a father, husband and long-time Los Angeles sports fan.

Hayes died on March 25. There will be a memorial service for him on Sunday at the Learning Light Center in Anaheim. Other than myself, I don’t think anyone will object if you show up wearing a hockey sweater.

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IN CASE USC football fans want to make travel preparations: It’s been announced the Humanitarian Bowl will be played in Boise on New Year’s Eve.

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PREDICTION: THE Celtics will be playing the Lakers in the NBA Finals.

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CHARGER OWNER Alex Spanos reveals his 15 “fundamentals for success” in a new book. So far he’s kept them secret from his team.

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STATE REPRESENTATIVES have voted to halt work on a new football stadium for the Arizona Cardinals.

I hope this doesn’t upset owner Bill Bidwill and keep him from putting together another good team.

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ACCORDING TO USA Today, the romance between Woods and Jesper Parnevik’s former nanny, Elin Nordegren, heated up at the Williams World Challenge in Thousand Oaks in December. Woods won $1 million that weekend.

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TODAY’S LAST word comes in an e-mail from Hiterod:

“Is it possible your daughter is marrying the ‘Grocery Store Bagger’ just to get her last name changed?”

Why would anyone want “Bagger” as a last name?

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T.J. Simers can be reached at t.j.simers@latimes.com.