Time for Bruins to Enjoy the Life of Coach Riley

The rumors are flying, interviews are being arranged and I can only imagine how distressing this must be for the Towel Waver, who has been appointed coach of the UCLA football team, and already there is a move afoot to replace him.

And some folks around here think Mike Garrett is fickle.

Now it’s too early to tell if UCLA’s new athletic director, Dan Guerrero, knows what he’s doing, although you have to wonder about someone who flew into New Orleans on the company expense account to interview Saints’ assistant coach Mike Riley, and didn’t even stay around long enough to walk from one end of Bourbon Street to the other.

And today he’s going to Las Vegas, and while I know what you’re thinking -- he’s going to hire John Robinson -- he’s really going to the Las Vegas Bowl news conference to make sure a tough question doesn’t turn the Towel Waver into the Towel Snapper.

Then he’s going to leave town without even stopping first at one of the sports books to take the six points and Iowa in the Orange Bowl. Just think of the killing he could make -- maybe winning enough money to hire a really good coach.

This we do know, apparently after back-to-back visits to two of the leading sin cities in this country, Mr. Goody-Two-Shoes is going to remain all business, which gives us our first clue who won’t be UCLA’s new coach. In fact there is no way he can even talk to the Peck’s Bad Boy of college football -- Rick Neuheisel.

Now I think the world of Neuheisel, covering him as a football player when he was with the Chargers and watching him blossom as a head coach, but even though such folks as Terry Donahue are supposedly dropping his name -- as if Neuheisel might really be interested in taking a pay cut and returning to his alma mater -- Neuheisel’s rap sheet won’t allow it.

Mr. Goody-Two-Shoes fired Bob Toledo because the environment just wasn’t right, because members of the UCLA family and the media were going to keep bringing up the problems of the past. So that also dooms Neuheisel, who not only is trying to stay one step ahead of the NCAA posse but has his own player peccadilloes now making news in Seattle.

At the same time Toledo was being fired because he couldn’t control his players, one of Washington’s receivers was being booked into jail for investigation of hit-and-run and reckless driving. No word whether he was driving a loaner SUV.

Enough about Neuheisel, who cannot even be considered for the UCLA job, and on to who will get the job -- if the Bruins don’t blow it.

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TODAY’S HOTTEST name is Denver Broncos’ wide receiver coach Karl Dorrell, who apparently has a number of former Bruin football players supporting him, which tells me a number of former Bruin football players would like to have a voice in the program’s future now that old-timers Toledo and athletic director Peter Dalis are gone.

Kansas City Chiefs’ defensive coordinator Greg Robinson, who was born in L.A., worked at Pacific along with Pete Carroll and who coached previously at Cal State Fullerton, comes across in the same enthusiastic manner as Carroll and probably would be the first coach in some time to teach the Bruins how to tackle.

Mike Riley, meanwhile, has been the hottest coaching candidate in the country the last two years after going 1-15 with the Chargers, which shows you how impressed everyone was with his ability to win a game in San Diego.

Dorrell lacks experience, Robinson is short on Pac-10 expertise and recent recruiting duty -- which obviously didn’t impact Carroll, but Riley provides all that and more, including Pac-10 head coaching experience at Oregon State.

Riley’s the right pick, if Alabama doesn’t beat the Bruins to it, or it’s going to be time to wave the towel.

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THE MAXWELL Award will be presented tonight as part of The Home Depot 2002 College Football Awards ceremony on ESPN, and the three finalists for the award that is given to the best all-around player are Iowa’s Brad Banks, Miami’s Ken Dorsey and Penn State’s Larry Johnson. The Heisman Trophy is going to be presented later in the week to “the most outstanding player in college football,” which by Maxwell standards places USC’s Carson Palmer no better than fourth.

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BANKS, DORSEY, Johnson and Palmer were asked who they’d vote for in the Heisman race if they couldn’t vote for themselves. Dorsey and Banks took Miami running back Willis McGahee, Johnson selected Banks and Palmer named Johnson.

I believe Palmer has the winner. I’d take Dorsey, because the most outstanding player in college football has to be the guy who is 38-1 as a starter, and there’s no mention in Heisman rules that the award is based on only one year of work.

I believe the two Miami players, Dorsey and McGahee, will cancel each other’s votes out with the same thing happening to Palmer and Banks as voters wrestle to determine which quarterback is better. That leaves Johnson sitting second on most ballots and accumulating the most points for the win.

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LOCATION AND timing won’t allow it to happen, but it would have been fun to be there for the opening of spring training when F.P. Santangelo conducts his first news conference as the new manager of the Class-A San Jose Giants.

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TODAY’S LAST word comes in e-mail from Shawn Smith:

“The only reason you criticized Guerrero’s decision to fire Toledo is because you are a SC homer. The Bruin faithful applaud Guerrero’s decision. Sorry SC and T.J., you do not get Toledo for another year.”

That’s the last time I’m going to try to help SC.

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T.J. Simers can be reached at t.j.simers@latimes.com