He’s Drab and Doesn’t Possess the Gift of Gab

Freelance writer Norman Chad, commenting on some Super Bowl personalties: “You’ve got Tom Brady, who’s a cross between Kurt Warner and Forrest Gump. You’ve got Drew Bledsoe, who’s a cross between Earl Morrall and Lazarus. And you’ve got Bill Belichick, who’s a cross between Bill Parcells and a footstool.

“Boy, oh boy, how did the Patriots go 5-11 in 2000, begin 0-2 in 2001 and make it to Super Sunday under Belichick? Could I have been more wrong about this guy? I never thought Belichick could take a team to a Super Bowl; heck, I never even thought Belichick could take the trash to a receptacle.”

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A bit boring? Rick Morrissey in the Chicago Tribune: “Listening to Belichick is like listening to telephone wires hum.”

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Now, the other coach: Bernie Lincicome in the Rocky Mountain News, on St. Louis Ram Coach Mike Martz: “He reminds me much of Bill Parcells, who finally made it big and became insufferable. Martz has only the second part of that down.”

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Trivia time: Who holds the Super Bowl record for longest run from scrimmage?

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Ballhawk: Y.A. Tittle, the former San Francisco 49er-New York Giant quarterback, remembered Dick “Night Train” Lane mostly for his daring. “He was so dangerous to throw at,” Tittle was quoted in the San Francisco Chronicle on the Hall of Fame cornerback, who died Tuesday at 73.

“He could be beaten because he gambled so much, but then he’d pick off a flat pass and go all the way.... He was a great football player, a very rough, tough guy.”

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Tracking Tiger: Jim Armstrong in the Denver Post: “Fox Sports president and executive producer Ed Goren, when asked what kind of ratings he anticipates for the three-hour Super Bowl pregame show: ‘What will affect the pregame ratings the most will be whether Tiger Woods is on the leaderboard [today] at Pebble Beach.’”

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Patch job: From comedy writer Jerry Perisho: “Although the state of Nevada denied boxer Mike Tyson a license to fight, California says it will consider it. In fact, Los Angeles may want to host the Tyson-Lennox Lewis heavyweight fight.

“If Tyson bites off Lewis’ ear in L.A., they’ll just quickly reattach it. No big deal! Why do you think they call it the Staples Center?”

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Showtime: Tom FitzGerald in the San Francisco Chronicle: “If Broadway can make a hit play about Eva Peron, it can do the same with Jesse Ventura. The Minnesota governor and ex-wrestler is helping to shape the script and songs for a musical about his life.

“It will be called ‘The Body Ventura,’ probably because ‘The Roar of Greasepaint, the Smell of the Crowd’ already had been taken.”

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Trivia answer: Marcus Allen of the L.A. Raiders, 74 yards for a touchdown against the Washington Redskins in Super Bowl XVIII.

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And finally: A delivery mix-up has left organizers for the Salt Lake City Winter Games with 27,146 cases of corn chips, not the 584 that were ordered.

However, organizers don’t have to pay for the mistake, apparently made by supply clerks who dispatched trucking companies that kept coming from all parts of the General Mills system.

That’s a lot of chips down the road.

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Mal Florence