Some Facts Might Come Right Out of the Woods

Woody Paige of the Denver Post commenting on Tiger Woods winning the U.S. Open: “What don’t you already know about Tiger? He killed a bear when he was only 3. Or maybe he shot a 63 when he was only 3.

“He came to earth from another galaxy. He changed his name from Apollo, the sun god.

“He can play Mozart’s ‘Symphony No. 40 in G Minor’ with a 5-iron and a comb.”

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More Woods: Bernie Lincicome in the Rocky Mountain News: “If [Woods] wins in Scotland [British Open], the PGA Championship in August in Chaska, Minn., will be a combination of the running of the bulls in Pamplona, the Pillsbury Bake-Off, and a reunion of The Beatles, and I’m talking about all four of them.”

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Trivia time: Who holds the record for most minutes played in an NBA Finals game?

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A case for Bonds: Gary Shelton of the St. Petersburg (Fla.) Times, commenting that Barry Bonds deserves to be ranked with the game’s all-time great hitters:

“The magic of Bonds is that he cannot only take you deep, he can take you back. Watching him approach the plate--watching has always been the easy part with Bonds--and you find yourself wondering if anyone has been more frightening for a pitcher, if anyone has been more dominant with a bat in his hands.

“Mays? DiMaggio? Cobb?

“Anyone?”

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Nervous time: Steve Hummer in the Atlanta Journal-Constitution on Sergio Garcia’s performance in the U.S. Open:

“Setting up for a shot, he looks like a man trying to play a trumpet solo on a live snake.”

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More Garcia: Comedy writer Alex Kaseberg in the San Francisco Chronicle:

“[Garcia] was in the middle of his waggle Sunday and didn’t even notice the 49-minute rain delay.”

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Select class: Bill Walton commenting on Shaquille O’Neal:

“There’s really no challengers but that’s not Shaq’s fault.

“I’ve been saying for the last five years that Shaq is one of the five best centers in history.”

The others, according to Walton, are Wilt Chamberlain, Bill Russell, Kareem Abdul-Jabbar and Hakeem Olajuwon.

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Yawn: Norman Chad on America Online:

“The World Cup matches remind me of watching Arizona Cardinal-New York Giant contests. Most of the game is played around midfield and nobody scores until Jake Plummer throws an interception.”

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No big deal: “How anticlimactic was the Lakers’ victory?” asks Jim Armstrong of the Denver Post. “There were more rioters on the streets of L.A. after the Oscars ceremony.”

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Trivia answer: Kevin Johnson of the Phoenix Suns, 62 minutes against Chicago on June 13, 1993, three overtimes.

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And finally: Tony Kornheiser in the Washington Post:

“Some folks may complain about World Cup soccer being on TV so early because of the 13-hour time difference in Korea.

“Not me. I’m always up at 5 a.m. because Lenny Shapiro’s dog won’t shut up.”