Comparison of Cities Sort of a Tender Subject

I like to go up to Frisco as much as the next guy, or is that a woman?

There’s a certain charm to the Den of Iniquity with its slippery slopes aiming everyone toward hell, which makes for a titillating weekend escape from Orange County. But obviously it’s no place for anyone who treasures down-to-earth values, warm weather and parking without a hassle.

That’s why we have Anaheim.

“Anaheim had its start when 50 German colonists living in San Francisco wanted to move to Southern California to grow grapes...” wrote Elena Brunet on July 17, 1990 in her community profile for the Times. “But planting grapes wasn’t their only reason: They thought San Francisco would be a bad influence on their families.”

Brunet added, “The Gold Rush of 1848 had brought saloons, miners and brothels to San Francisco.” Things have changed, of course, the miners are gone.

But I wonder now about the next week and what this Sodom & Tenderloin District exposure will do to the good people here in Anaheim.

We’re still waiting for David Eckstein to shave for the first time, and I’ve just been handed a story from the Bay City News, which says a Giant fan up there is offering to sell her pair of upper reserve World Series tickets for healthy sperm, because a reputable sperm bank charges $250-$350 for a vial, and the insemination process requires two vials a month.

It’d be sacrilegious to think of an Angel (fan) doing that, but I fear we haven’t heard the last of this kind of thing, especially from a place that refers to its own Victorian homes lining Alamo Square Park on Hayes Street as “Painted Ladies.”

“You can bet that the child will be raised a Giants’ fan,” wrote the woman on the Internet message board at Craigslist.org after presenting her unusual deal, and just what we need -- another brat screaming, “Beat L.A.”

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NOW WHEN I heard the mayor of Anaheim was going to make a World Series wager with the mayor of San Francisco on Wednesday morning, I had this vision of Li’l Abner shaking hands with Don King.

I’m already concerned we won’t have enough tall buildings to climb in Dogpatch to shower our heroes in ticker tape after they win the World Series, and knowing Mayor Willie Brown’s political reputation for wheeling and dealing in San Francisco, I’m worried how he might take advantage of our Podunk leader.

“Listen, I think I more than held my own,” said Abner, I mean, Tom Daly, Anaheim’s mayor for 10 years, and by all accounts a great mayor, but leaving office next month because of term limits. “When the Angels beat the Giants, San Francisco’s mayor is going to have to wear a Gene Autry style cowboy hat around City Hall.”

Wow, you really made it tough on him.

“I tried to get him to wear mouse ears if the Angels win, but he wouldn’t go for it,” Daly said. “If for some reason the Giants win, I have to wear a Willie Brown style fedora. Oh, and there’s one other component to this thing.”

OK, so after the Angels lose, are Anaheim residents supposed to make out the checks for property taxes directly to Willie Brown?

“If the Giants win, we’ll treat a family from San Francisco to a weekend at the Anaheim Resort,” Daly said, “and if the Angels win, a deserving family from Anaheim will have a weekend in San Francisco.”

Now if I understand this correctly, if the Giants win, a family from Frisco will be heard to say: “We’re going to Disneyland,” while Daly has arranged it so a deserving family from Anaheim can look into the camera and say: “We’re going to Carol Doda’s Champagne and Lace Boutique.” I understand the value now of term limits.

“I’m sure the family from Anaheim will go to San Francisco with their eyes wide open,” Daly said, which tells me he has already seen Doda. “At any time they will have the option of turning back and coming home.”

Depends who is driving the rental car: Mom or Dad.

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A BASKETBALL agent tried to use “UCLA’s basketball coach” for an alibi on “NYPD Blue” Tuesday night after being accused of murdering the pregnant girlfriend of a recruit. I waited for the credits to roll, but I didn’t see Peter Dalis’ name as an advisor to the show.

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AT A time when local folks are celebrating the fun of thunder sticks, now comes word USC’s Mike Garrett led a charge to ban the noisemakers from all Pacific 10 stadiums next year.

It’s not the first time he has taken the joy out of USC football.

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WORTH, a monthly financial/lifestyle magazine, announced the Lakers’ Jeanie Buss will be on the Oct. 21 cover in a “flatteringly, low-cut evening gown.”

Inside, Buss reportedly is quoted as saying, “I know what people want to hear. That I drive a red Corvette filled with pink flowers and wear a belt that has a notch for every man I’ve slept with.”

I don’t imagine we’ll be seeing Jeanie wearing a belt any time soon.

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WHEN TERRELL Owens’ financial advisor accepted the signed ball from Owens the other night, he should have also gotten a pink slip.

The advisor knew of Owens’ stunt ahead of time, and while tailor-made for Monday night TV fun, he cost his client millions by not suggesting Owens hand the ball to a youngster instead.

As long as the whole thing was staged, why not play everyone for a fool?

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TODAY’S LAST word comes in e-mail from Karen Banse:

“Did you know if you type in ‘dodgers.com’ you get their website? And if you type in ‘angels.com’ you get nude photos?”

A bandwagon fan, huh? I’ve been typing that in for years, and that’s the way it always is.

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T.J. Simers can be reached at t.j.simers@latimes.com