Raiders Are a Team Only Freud Could Love

Things are so bad for the Oakland Raiders that sports psychologist Richard Crowley of Burbank is offering his services.

“This team needs help, serious help,” Crowley told Associated Press. “They could be in this dark hole forever.”

Crowley says their problems have been “compounded by being called ‘stupid’ and ‘dumb’ -- words a number of them may have been called while growing up by a parent or teacher.”

Coach Bill Callahan, asked whether the Raiders might be interested in Crowley’s services, said, “You’re not serious about asking that question?”

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Trivia time: What is the Raiders’ all-time worst record?

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Intelligence test: Dwight Perry of the Seattle Times found this question on a Raider IQ test, administered by ESPN.com’s Graham Hays: “How many yards does it take to make a first down?”

The multiple-choice answers were: (A) 5, (B) 10, (C) 15, (D) 20, (E) 30.

The correct answer, according to Hays: “E -- after factoring in the 20 yards you’ve already been penalized for holding and intentional grounding.”

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Too late for a rewrite: Lawrence Taylor told the New York Times that as soon as he read his new book he called his ex-wife.

“I told her, ‘Darling, I just want to apologize to you right now because I swear I didn’t realize I was that bad,’ ” Taylor said.

Wrote Tom FitzGerald in the San Francisco Chronicle: “Now, which is worse -- Charles Barkley claiming he was misquoted in his autobiography, or Taylor being shocked at what’s in his?”

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More L.T.: After Boomer Esiason said Taylor belongs in the Hall of Shame, the New York Post quoted Taylor as saying, “Hall of Shame? I got two Super Bowl rings, and my Hall of Fame ring.... How many does he have? [None.] If I’m in the Hall of Shame, where in the ... do I put you?”

Taylor was invited to appear on CBS’ “The NFL Today” Sunday with Esiason. According to what Deion Sanders told USA Today, he declined.

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Leonard Tose route: Has Terry Bradshaw finally lost it? Of San Francisco 49er backup quarterback Tim Rattay, Bradshaw said on Fox on Sunday, “When I saw him on ‘Monday Night Football’ a couple of weeks ago, I thought, ‘He looks as close to Joe Montana as I’ve seen.’ ”

Said Howie Long: “You’ve just taken away any credibility you had.”

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Trivia answer: 1-13, in 1962. Since the AFL-NFL merger in 1970, the Raiders’ worst record is 4-12 in 1997.

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And finally: Ernie Johnson is in Hawaii for TNT’s coverage of the Grand Slam of Golf, but he left his fill-in on the network’s NBA studio show, Al Trautwig, a few tips for working with Barkley and Kenny Smith.

“Assume Charles will be a no-show, then be pleasantly surprised if he is on time,” was one.

Also: “Have a dictionary handy when Kenny is talking. Sometimes he makes up words.”

And, “If they criticize your wardrobe, hometown, race or size of your forehead, it really means they like you. I think.”

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Larry Stewart can be reached at larry.stewart@latimes.com.