This Back Was Terrific on Short Yardage

Jerry Greene in the Orlando Sentinel, on some “Guinness World Records 2003” that caught his fancy:

“Shortest NFL player: That would be Jack Shapiro, the perfect titled ‘halfback’ for the Staten Island Stapletons in 1929. Jack was 5 feet and one-half inch tall -- which may explain why his career consisted of two carries in one game.”

“Largest bag of chips: In 2001, Dirk Haverals of Belgium created a bag that stood 8 feet 7 and contained 397.20 pounds of chips. But Guiness did not record how big the bowl of dip was.”

Trivia time: When did UCLA first play in the NCAA basketball tournament?

Snubbed: Ralph Vacchiano in the New York Daily News: “In the week before Super Bowl XXXVII, Disney signed dozens of Buccaneer and Raider players to promotional contracts, just in case one was named the game’s most valuable player. Disney even signed the third-string quarterbacks.

“But it never asked Dexter Jackson to sign a thing.”

As reported, Jackson, the Buccaneers’ free safety, became the eighth defensive player in Super Bowl history to be named MVP.

Wait a minute! Tom FitzGerald in the San Francisco Chronicle: “Both Paul Tagliabue and John Madden called the Bucs ‘the world champions,’ which makes as much sense as giving the same title to the Brisbane Lions, reigning champs of Australian Rules Football.”

More FitzGerald: “It was 81 degrees Sunday afternoon in San Diego. Remind those pushing for a New York Super Bowl that it was so cold in the Big Apple Sunday that Keyshawn Johnson’s tongue would have had to be jump-started.”

He loved it: Edwin Pope in the Miami Herald, gloating over Tampa Bay’s runaway 48-21 victory over the Oakland Raiders in the Super Bowl: “Darth Vader’s evil empire took it right on the button, bud, and a huge swath of America couldn’t be happier about it.”

Buccaneers will be better: Bob Sansevere of the St. Paul (Minn.) Pioneer Press, on Tampa Bay: “The cold, hard truth is that the Buccaneers are a frightening bunch on defense. They’ll get even more frightening next season because they get back Anthony ‘Booger’ McFarland, the nose tackle who lines up alongside [Warren] Sapp and is almost as disruptive to an offense.

“McFarland couldn’t play in the Super Bowl because he was hurting, which is what most other teams will be when they face the Bucs.”

Trivia answer: 1950, when the Bruins lost to Bradley and Brigham Young in the West Regional. Consolation games were played in those days.

And finally: Peter Vecsey in the New York Post, on Shaquille O’Neal’s exclusion as a starter in the NBA All-Star game:

“Bad enough that bozos like myself stiffed him in last season’s MVP voting, but to depreciate his accomplishments and current value like this is unconscionable; this is one loser [the Lakers are 19-23] who merits a spot....

“I’d really be upset except Shaq already has a doctor’s note excusing him from the next seven All-Star games, two Olympics and a Pro Bowl.”

-- Mal Florence