Shock value? Oh, 50 Cent

So much for the schlock and awe.

Save for a terrifying brush with mild discomfort (best new artist nominee 50 Cent sauntering on stage in front of best new artist winner Evanescence) and unforeseen technical problems (Celine Dion’s uncooperative microphone), the 46th annual Grammy Awards on CBS were the picture of circumspect mutual admiration and corporate synergy.

Where else could oddball pairs such as Snoop Dogg and Jason Alexander trade Britney-themed quips? Or John Mayer try out his suggestive innuendo on Matthew Perry? Or a member of Black Eyed Peas thank Joan Rivers, on E!’s Grammy preshow, for the appreciation of “people like yourself.”

Dorky presenter banter only added to the ceremony’s wholesome, somewhat awkward, feel. Quentin Tarantino praised Beyonce and Prince’s opening performance with a gawky “That was da bomb!” before copresenter Gwen Stefani announced her Grammy win for contemporary R&B.;

“Beyonce, come on down!” said Tarantino, as Ms. Knowles jumped up and down like a big winner on “The Price Is Right.”

That’s CBS’ “The Price Is Right.”

CBS’ Marg Helgenberger was also there.

In fact, without the touch of alienation provided by Beck’s crypto-indie White Stripes introduction, OutKast member Andre 3000’s first marvelously terse acceptance speech (reprinted here in toto: “Thank you”), and the band’s backup singers’ fabulously spastic cheerleading routine, the whole show might have fallen as flat as the Recording Academy’s new anti-piracy PSA.

Wardrobe malfunctions -- with the possible exception of Sting’s overcoat, riding boots, bare knees and culottes ensemble, worn as he wrung yet another rendition from poor, exhausted “Roxanne” -- were mostly assiduously avoided.

In an opening duet with Prince, Beyonce bravely defended her windblown ostrich feathers from a nearby industrial fan, and Christina Aguilera willed both sides of her dress to stay together (“I don’t want to have the same thing happen as Janet had done”).

A “humbled” Justin Timberlake, apparently dressed for the first day of his PriceWaterhouse internship, accepted one of his two statuettes of the night with the only slightly hyperbolic observation, “Listen, I know it’s been a rough week on everybody.”

As Queen Latifah said, “Sometimes, it’s not about the controversy.” True. But sometimes it’s not all that much fun to watch, either.

One of the night’s few political statements came from the British band Coldplay, winner of the Grammy for record of the year. Singer Chris Martin dedicated the group’s award to Johnny Cash and John Kerry, whom he “hop[ed] would be your president one day.”

Later, fellow Brit Sharon Osbourne claimed to be very happy to be at the show. Her husband, Ozzy, said he was just “happy to be anywhere.”

Which, when you think about it, was a wonderfully diplomatic way of putting it.