Something Old, Something New in Gay Unions

As legal challenges awaited the more than 3,000 marriage licenses granted to same-sex couples in San Francisco, two very different events Sunday highlighted contrasting facets of gay and lesbian relationships.

In San Francisco, a bittersweet ceremony blessing gay couples took place in a church that held many memories of those lost to AIDS.

In West Hollywood, an upbeat Gay and Lesbian Wedding Expo allowed couples to shop for same-sex cake toppers, photographers and honeymoon packages while nibbling fondue, having their Tarot cards read or taking in a fashion show.

At the Metropolitan Community Church in the heart of San Francisco’s largely gay Castro district, choir member Lynn Jordan recalled losing his partner of 34 years to AIDS.

“When I first came here 30 years ago, nobody would give their last names,” Jordan said. “We were afraid of being discriminated against. Today, you see openness, but there are a lot of people who have overcome personal struggles to live for this day, a day I thought I’d never see.”

Newlyweds Fernando Orlandi, 55, a mathematician, and Bill Wilson, 53, were among more than two dozen of the civilly wed couples waiting for a church blessing.

Orlandi and Wilson had been together 17 years before being wed Feb. 12 at San Francisco City Hall.

“There is a joy in my heart today like never before. This is what gay pride really means,” said Wilson, as people began filing into the church whose walls bear stained-glass memorials to congregation members lost to AIDS.

The Rev. Penny Nixon, 46, the senior pastor, said more than 500 members had died over the years but more than 1,000 had participated in same-sex commitment ceremonies in the church in the same period.

“This is social change at its best,” she said. “This is palpable. It’s like the fall of the Berlin Wall. A couple I married here in April last year stood up here the other night, repeated their vows and then shouted what they had been told in City Hall: ‘By the authority of the state of California, I pronounce you spouses for life.’ And everyone here was on their feet screaming their heads off.”

Mabel Teng, the city’s assessor-recorder, who processes marriage applications and certificates, said she hoped the spectacle and the furor would die down this week. In fact, the city is now taking a low-key approach to applications -- requiring appointments rather than handling them on a first-come, first-served basis. She said the city would process only 60 applications a day, instead of an average of more than 150 a day as it had been doing.

Gov. Arnold Schwarzenegger on Friday directed the state attorney general to take action to halt San Francisco’s same-sex marriages, saying the practice conflicted with a state law holding marriage to be between a man and a woman. In response to two lawsuits filed against it shortly after it began issuing the licenses Feb. 12, the city sued the state Thursday, saying the state law conflicted with the California Constitution.

Hallye Jordan, a spokeswoman for Atty. Gen. Bill Lockyer, said a judgment would be sought in the court case to declare San Francisco’s actions in violation of state law.

The court cases were on the minds of couples attending Sunday’s West Hollywood expo but did little to dampen the festive atmosphere.

Expo organizers Desiree V. Hargrave and her life partner, Kimberley Sikes, credited the San Francisco wedding marathon, launched by the city’s new mayor, Gavin Newsom, with adding interest to their second annual expo.

They were expecting more than 2,000 people -- double the number last year -- to browse among 40 vendors offering everything from wedding cakes and tuxedos to estate planning and ministers for nonreligious ceremonies.

“We wanted to bring out gay-owned and gay-friendly businesses so gay and lesbian couples will know they can feel comfortable” when shopping for services and help with their commitment or marriage ceremonies, said Sikes. “Here, they know they won’t be treated with disgust or embarrassment.”

Among the browsers at the daylong expo was Carly Foster, a special education classroom aide from Agoura Hills. She had already tied the knot with her partner, Caprice Fowler, the previous Sunday in San Francisco. But they were planning another ceremony.

“We wanted to have the same rights as heterosexual couples,” Foster said of their drive to San Francisco and eight-hour wait in line at City Hall. “But now we want a wedding with all our friends.”

Many of the couples at the expo, however, said they were not planning to join the lines at San Francisco City Hall to get a marriage license that could be overturned by the courts.

George Frank, a U.S. Defense Department worker from Lancaster, and partner Tony Perez, a mechanic, said the commitment ceremony they are planning to hold in their backyard this spring would suffice for now.

“If the courts decide to overturn the [San Francisco] marriages, then all we would be left with is a piece of paper,” Frank said. “It would be much better if the federal government [recognizes gay unions]; otherwise it’s legally meaningless.”

Laura Sandeen and Amy Weaver drove down from Sacramento to attend the expo. Weaver said they were thinking of getting married, “but not in San Francisco. We’d want it to be with our friends.”

Some of the vendors said they are encouraged by what they see as a growing drive that eventually would result in gays and lesbians winning full rights to marry and be recognized in the same ways as heterosexual couples.

“When you look at what’s happening, not only in San Francisco but in Massachusetts and New Mexico, it’s clear we’ve only just begun,” said Michael Landsman, co-owner of a limousine service.

And Michael Willms, whose firm promises “lavish lesbian, gay and transgender event planning,” thinks the increasing attention and legitimacy given to same-sex unions can only be good for business.

Most of his upscale wedding business has come from straight couples until very recently, “when gays and lesbians are beginning to realize they can spend money on a wedding because it is starting to mean something to more than just the couple and their friends,” Willms said.

“When you witness a ceremony for a couple that has been excluded [from the right to marry] for so long, it’s very moving,” Willms said. “It’s such an emotional thing to be a part of.”

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Staff writer Merl reported from Los Angeles and Dillon from San Francisco.