He’d Be Cameron Crazy to Take Job

Coach K?

Coach Y!

Why on earth would the world’s best basketball franchise offer its coaching job to a guy who doesn’t even work in the same sport?

Why would the world’s most revered -- and coddled -- active college basketball god step down from his comfy blue clouds to listen?

The Lakers’ wooing of Duke’s Mike Krzyzewski is like the owner of the shiniest apple orchard dangling his keys to the guy running the juiciest orange grove.

Same soil. Different climate.

Same idea. Different fruits.

Big headlines. Bad mistake.

Coach K?

Coach L!

Good college coaches are historically professional losers, from Rick Pitino to John Calipari to Leonard Hamilton to Tim Floyd.

Krzyzewski might be the best college basketball boss alive, but, as it relates to the NBA, he might as well be coaching Blue Devil lacrosse.

“I think Coach K will be successful no matter what he does,” said Mike Dunleavy, Clipper coach whose son, Mike Jr., played at Duke. “But for anybody coming into the NBA for the first time, there is a learning curve.”

This curve will break at his knees and freeze him the first time he tries to convince the Lakers to pound the floor on defense, to hug before free throws, to buy into the idea of team as family.

The Lakers will look at him like, dude, we already have a Coach K.

Coach Kobe.

Pro and college basketball have coexisted for more than half a century, yet there is a reason no coach had won championships in both until Larry Brown did it last month.

“It’s a very tough situation,” Phil Jackson said several weeks ago when asked about the move of Stanford’s Mike Montgomery to the Golden State Warriors. “The pro game is much more sophisticated. The value an organization puts on coaches is not high. You have to coerce the players in the NBA. It’s a tougher sell than with players you recruited and who feel indebted to you.”

Coach K?

Coach C!

Can’t the Lakers see what they are asking? Can’t Krzyzewski see what he is getting?

The Lakers are asking a man to win an NBA championship after spending 24 years grooming historically lousy NBA players. All that time, and none of his Dookies played for an NBA title team until last year.

They are asking a coach with complete control over kids who consider him a father to give up all control of adults who will look at him as an alien.

Krzyzewski: “Gary, fight through that pick!”

Payton: “Buy a vowel, fool!”

Said Dunleavy: “Unlike in college, there’s certain guys in this league who are bulletproof, their contracts are guaranteed, they don’t have to give you respect, and they won’t suffer any consequences.”

For his part, by leaving his remote woodsy kingdom, Krzyzewski would be surrounded by everything he has tried to keep away.

He would be leaving the soul of the Cameron Crazies for spangles of Cameron Diaz. He’d be leaving smart kids for smart mouths. He’d be leaving quaint March Madness for suffocating October-through-June Madness.

Of course, he’ll also be $40 million richer, more than the Lakers paid a coach with nine NBA championships, all before coaching his first NBA game.

“A couple of years ago, I thought he would never leave Duke, but now, maybe things have changed,” Dunleavy said. “Maybe it’s the stress of recruiting, of academics, maybe it’s money, all somebody has to do is push the right button.”

Coach K?

Coach I!

If Krzyzewski thinks it is cool that Bryant has asked him to be coach, he will soon learn otherwise, probably about the time Bryant insists on a first-person offense with himself playing the “I.”

The $40 million comes with strings, all of them attached to No. 8. If Bryant could cut Jackson and bench Shaquille O’Neal, how easy will it be for him to fire Krzyzewski when he becomes the third consecutive coach to ask him to pass the ball?

The history of Del Harris and Jackson would indicate that Bryant wants Krzyzewski to sit calmly on the bench with conscience tucked inside his coat and discipline pulled up under his cuffs.

Pat Riley didn’t think this was enough control. Rudy Tomjanovich is willing to flash his two title rings and take his chances.

Mike Krzyzewski doesn’t need the hassle. The Lakers don’t need the risk. This story needs to disappear as quickly as this weekend’s fireworks, this bright buzz followed by fade and burn.

Coach K?

Coach Zzzz.

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Bill Plaschke can be reached at bill.plaschke@latimes.com. For more Plaschke columns, go to latimes.com/plaschke.