Just Remember, All Sales Are Final

Who says lawyers don’t come cheap? They’re less than $6 apiece at a market in Rancho Cucamonga, as Eric and Darleen Click discovered (see photo).

These counselors must specialize in cross-examination, judging from the “grill” designation.

Recalling the witness to the stand: Darleen Click added that “Lawyers” was really supposed to be “Lawry’s.”

The bad news about gasoline prices -- and the bad news: In the case of a sighting by Michael Gersch of Whittier (see photo), the station charging $1.45 and up per gallon went out of business, while the station charging $2.28 and up per gallon is still open.

Attention, Pittsburgh! The announcement that part of Riverside County was switching from 909 to a 951 area code reminded me of the line from a Newport snob in the TV series, “The OC”: “She’s from Pittsburgh. That’s like the 909 of the East.”

Language! At London’s Chelsea Flower Show, no less, Raymond Kissack of Santa Monica noticed a curious sign about the gents’ facilities (see photo). I wonder if the folks above the sign are running toward, or from, the exhibit.

For the escape hatch? Elizabeth Smith of San Juan Capistrano saw an ad directed toward brides -- possibly eloping brides (see accompanying).

Sour note: One of the pleasures of going to Dodger games for season-ticket holder Michael Horowicz was decoding the songs played by organist Nancy Bea Hefley between batters.

Sometimes the job was easy -- a rendition of “I’ve Got Plenty of Nothing” in a 0-0 game. Sometimes it was more challenging -- the “M*A*S*H*” theme played while L.A. Fire Department helicopters battled a blaze behind the center field fence.

Alas, the new owners of the Dodgers have eliminated that tradition, by forbidding Hefley to play anything other than a pregame song, the national anthem and “Take Me Out to the Ballgame.” Instead, a disc jockey will play CD hits.

Oddly enough, Horowicz points out, the Dodger Stadium gift shop offers “a CD of stadium organist Nancy Bea Hefley’s favorite tunes.” Guess you could install it on a Walkman and pick the appropriate tune yourself at a ballgame. Doesn’t sound like quite as much fun, though.

Right in the kisser: Monica Serratos, a teacher as well as a professional clown (no jokes, please), is inviting you to bring along a pie to Lindberg Park in Culver City Saturday afternoon and throw it in her face for charity. Cost: $2, with all proceeds going to a special ed track and field program at University High.

Serratos, by the way, prefers to be smacked by a custard cream pie because it tends to explode on contact. Her least favorite: cherry, “because it just hangs there.”

miscelLAny: Guess they’ll have to load up all those “My radio station, my city” billboard ads featuring Shaquille O’Neal and ship them to Miami.

Steve Harvey can be reached at (800) LATimes, Ext. 77083, by fax at (213) 237-4712, by mail at Metro, L.A. Times, 202 W. 1st St., L.A. 90012, and by e-mail at steve.harvey@latimes.com.