Let’s Call It a Mismatch, Move On to the Breakup

The Lakers are thinking, only one win for survival.

I’m thinking, only one loss from extinction.

The Lakers are thinking, last gasp for the dynasty.

I’m thinking, first step toward demolition.

The Lakers are thinking, if they don’t win tonight’s Game 4 Finals bout against the Detroit Pistons, they are suddenly faced with the certain summer dismantling of a once-invincible force.

I’m thinking, it’s about time.

Untouched by controversy, unfazed by dissension, the Lakers have finally been cornered by integrity, the floor-burned Pistons requiring only a week to reveal what we’ve all suspected for months.

This is one messed-up team.

The Lakers don’t need a basketball, but a wrecking ball.

If they don’t win the championship, they need to be knocked down like an aging corner hotel that once housed presidents but now is home to broken windows and lost souls.

If they do win the championship, allow Kobe Bryant to wag his finger, and Shaquille O’Neal to rip his critics, and Phil Jackson to light his exploding-in-Red-Auerbach’s-face cigar.

Then level them.

Tonight’s last hurrah is for a team that has lost its voice.

Tonight’s last stand is about a team that has spent most of the last week on its back.

Against a precise coach whose players complement each other like the pieces inside a watch, the Lakers are countering with all the sophistication of an erratic clock radio.

They blare at the wrong times. They blink for no reason.

For only 10.9 seconds of regulation and five minutes of overtime have they gotten it right.

Being the Lakers, they may still win this series.

But being realists, they will have no idea why.

When asked Saturday whether the parts on this Laker team simply don’t fit together as well as the parts of previous Laker teams, Jackson smiled.

“I decline to answer that question on the grounds I may incriminate myself,” the coach said.

When asked the same thing, Rick Fox did not smile.

“I don’t know how many times Phil is going to have to step in that huddle during timeouts and scream, ‘Execute!’ ” Fox said.

Horace Grant didn’t even need to be asked.

“We’re not on the same page as teams in the past,” he said. “Even when we were in trouble in the past, the focus was there. The focus is not there right now.”

This, after 102 games.

Three entire college basketball seasons can fit into 102 games. A team can win five consecutive Super Bowls in 102 games.

A dozen guys can’t learn to play basketball together in 102 games?

This explains, then, why the Finals have been a one-sided battle between Pistons and petulance.

“It’s amazing, but we’re still on a cycle that runs between moments of bliss and moments of disbelief,” Fox said.

Bliss was Bryant’s last-second, game-saving shot. Disbelief was how, on the morning before the shot, Bryant told a New York reporter he would consider playing for the Knicks. Yeah, talking about leaving. In the middle of the Finals.

Bliss was O’Neal’s 32-point average in the first two games. Disbelief was how he and Bryant openly chided one another at the Friday news conference, followed by O’Neal’s refusal to show up for Saturday’s mandatory news conference.

Bliss was watching Karl Malone hustling and contributing on one leg. Disbelief was watching Malone poke his finger into a Detroit fan’s face in a move that could result in police action.

Bliss was Gary Payton ... well, forget the bliss part. Disbelief was Payton, when asked to go into the fourth quarter of Game 2, citing injury and refusing.

Veteran NBA observers say the Lakers could be the most ill-mannered and dysfunctional team ever to compete in the Finals.

The Pistons, who were a nice little finger painting before this series, have become the “Mona Lisa” by comparison.

The Pistons have one of the league’s most infamous loudmouths, yet Rasheed Wallace has compensated for foul trouble by being their leading cheerleader.

The Pistons’ Larry Brown blew Game 2 by not persuading his players to foul in the final seconds, but five days later, he’s a genius.

Detroit is known as one of sports’ tough-guy cities, yet their players can’t stop complimenting each other.

Ask one Laker about another Laker, and the conversation is brief and goes something like this:

Bryant on O’Neal: “We’re not worried about getting him more touches, we’re worried about winning the game.”

O’Neal on Bryant: “We are just relying on the jumper a little too much.”

Am not.

Am too.

Shut up, both of you.

Only eight more days together, promise.

The dismantling of this team, of course, must start here.

Even if they win the championship, does anybody really think O’Neal and Bryant can still play together? With O’Neal aging and Bryant reaching his prime, it no longer works.

And if those guys split up and the Lakers return to basics, why would Jackson stick around?

In another of those bliss-disbelief moments earlier in the series, his girlfriend Jeanie Buss claimed there was a 95% chance he would be back, which he immediately refused to confirm, and when is the last time that happened in a Finals?

Then there’s Payton, who should leave, but he can exercise a $5.6-million option to stay, so maybe we’re stuck with him.

Malone might also stick around, which is fine, as long as they can get him and his aging knee appropriate backup help.

Then there’s the grossly overpaid Devean George. If other teams don’t necessarily want his inside play, won’t somebody out there want his three rings?

Whatever happens, the Lakers need a more focused on-court leader, a younger rebounder, a better bench and somebody who can ...

“But we’re in the Finals,” said Mitch Kupchak, the Laker general manager who was understandably curious when asked about a mismatched team.

“Is there any other way to answer that question than to say we’re in the Finals?”

Well, no, he’s correct, but still ...

“This team is not built for the long run, and it’s been a trying season, but still,” Kupchak said, “we’re just one of two teams still playing.”

Then why does it feel as though only one is left?

Kupchak acknowledged that there would be changes this summer. But many of the contracts give players the option of leaving or staying, including Bryant and Payton and Malone and Derek Fisher.

“I anticipate a busy off-season, but there’s only so much we can control,” Kupchak said.

His veterans already know what has to happen.

“Change? Yes,” Grant said. “Even if everyone was healthy, you would still need changes for next year. Everyone needs to be on the same page. For Sunday’s game, we still don’t know what team is showing up.”

Any team, one hopes, but this one.

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Bill Plaschke can be reached at bill.plaschke@latimes.com. For previous columns by Plaschke, go to latimes.com/plaschke.