It’s Bad Sign When They Line Up at the Door

When Derek Fisher appeared on the “Jimmy Kimmel Live” show on ABC last week, he was asked by Kimmel whether opting out of his contract meant he was leaving the Lakers.

After a pause, Fisher said that returning to the Lakers was “definitely a possibility.”

Super Dave Osborne, another guest on the show, asked an even more pertinent question: “Is it smart to let everybody’s contract come up at once?”

Trivia time: Bob Pettit of the St. Louis Hawks holds the NBA Finals record for most free throws made in a game, 19 in 1958 against the Boston Celtics. Who is No. 2 on the list?

More than pampered: Shaquille O’Neal told the Riverside Press-Enterprise: “They say I’m getting older. Of course I am. But can’t nobody mess with me. I’m like toilet paper, Pampers and toothpaste. I’m definitely proven to be effective.”

That prompted Dwight Perry of the Seattle Times to answer the question of whether the Lakers would trade O’Neal this way: “Uh ... Depends.”

Pouring it on: Cam Hutchinson of Canada’s Saskatoon StarPhoenix says this soccer joke is making the rounds:

“Question: What do you have when 100 rowdy English football fans are buried up to their necks in sand?

“Answer: Not enough sand.”

Tough opponent: A brawl broke out in the first inning of a recreation league softball game in South Lake Tahoe last week, and the umpire ordered the game suspended.

Frank DeBartolo, a member of one of the teams who says he was punched five times in the face, has since filed a complaint with the local police department about the other team, according to an Associated Press report.

It may be tough for DeBartolo to win his case. The opponent was the police department team.

Hard-hitting: In Sunday’s ArenaBowl, in which the San Jose SaberCats beat the Arizona Rattlers, the SaberCats’ Rashied Davis was hit so hard on a kickoff return that his mouthpiece and helmet went flying. NBC commentator Pat Haden, describing the hit, said, “That’s should be an OSHA violation.”

Haden, a onetime Rhodes scholar, was presuming that everyone knew OSHA stands for Occupational Safety and Health Administration.

Looking back: On this day in 1990, the Dodgers’ Fernando Valenzuela threw a no-hitter against the St. Louis Cardinals. Earlier in the day, former Dodger Dave Stewart, pitching for the Oakland A’s, had thrown a no-hitter against the Toronto Blue Jays. It was the first time that no-hitters were pitched in the National League and the American League on the same day.

Trivia answer: O’Neal, who made 18 free throws in 39 attempts, an NBA Finals record, in Game 2 against Indiana in 2000. When Pettit set the record of 19, he did it in 24 attempts.

And finally: Jay Leno, on the possibility of O’Neal’s going to the Dallas Mavericks: “You thought Shaq’s rap album was bad, what’s his country-western music going to be like?”

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Larry Stewart can be reached at larry.stewart@latimes.com.