Compelling Victory Wasn’t the One in L.A.

Life can surprise you; no wonder Forrest Gump likened it to a box of chocolates.

Example: You wake up on a Sunday counting the hours to a thrilling playoff game.

And you get one, except Jim Nance is announcing it on CBS, not Al Michaels on ABC.

Never in a million years did I imagine wanting to know the whys or whereabouts of Joey Sindelar, a nondescript, 46-year-old golfer built along the lines of Bill Parcells.

The day-planner was clearly constructed around the Lakers and San Antonio Spurs in a do-or-die Staples Center contest involving a bunch of over-inflated egos and pitiful foul shooters -- and we’re not only talking about Laker fans with courtside seats.

Naturally, congratulations are extended to the Lakers for figuring out after two games that it might be a good idea to cover Spur guard Tony Parker with more than a time-out towel.

As it turned out, the ease of the Lakers’ 105-81 victory was only important in that it allowed a cross-over dribble to the Wachovia Championship, where Sindelar perspired through his hitched-up pants and literally sweated out a sudden-death playoff victory over Arron Oberholser.

It was Sindelar’s first PGA Tour victory since the first Bush Administration and, if you were rooting against this guy, you either gave birth to Oberholser or had a heart the size of a thumb tack.

In a field that included Tiger Woods, Phil Mickelson and Vijay Singh, Sunday’s event came down to Oberholser, a kid looking for his first win in 38 PGA starts, and Sindelar, looking for his first win in 14 years 8 months.

Oberholser blew a two-stroke lead with three to play, but blew it so honorably you had to cut him some slack. After he nearly fell into the water trying to set up for a delicate chip shot off the 17th green, Oberholser broke out of his stance and started laughing.

When it appeared Sindelar might win the tournament in regulation, cameras caught him nervously punching numbers into his cell phone.

“What am I doing?” Sindelar said. “I dialed my own phone!”

Sindelar beat Oberholser on the second playoff hole with a par putt, then confessed he would not be able to control his tear ducts.

“Slobbering time is near,” he said.

And now we return to your regular postseason Laker programming, basically Gary Payton telling us how much we don’t know about basketball.

More second thoughts and parting shots ...

* Clippers raise ticket prices after 11th consecutive losing season.

It wasn’t all bad news. In a joint press release, the club announced it was lowering expectations.

One fan quoted said that he didn’t mind the increase because it only amounted to an extra five bucks a game.

Another fan said he didn’t mind the increase so long as the team traded for five Milwaukee Bucks.

* NFL discusses stadium plans with Coliseum.

Ten years after the Rams and Raiders left town, it remains unclear who will pay for the estimated $400-million renovation or whether Los Angeles will get an expansion team or an existing franchise.

Wow, what progress.

* Tampa Bay Devil Ray Manager Lou Piniella says, “I wish I were a poet. I’d write an ode to scoring runs.”

Second thoughts at your poetry service ...

Too bad we don’t have nine Eddie Stankys.

Our fans don’t bring gloves, they bring hankies.

We swing and we miss, kids boo and they hiss

I wish we could sign all the Yankees

* Mike “Fluff” Cowan hired to become Michelle Wie’s new caddie.

Father B.J. Wie remarked, “Michelle was so happy to hear the news when I picked her up at school.”

Actually, 14-year-old Michelle thought her dad said, “I got you a new kitty.”

* Oakland Raiders hire reject from reality show “The Apprentice” to sell luxury suites.

The team also announced next week’s “Fear Factor” winner will become special assistant to Al Davis.

* Michele Tafoya replaces Lisa Guerrero as “Monday Night Football” sideline reporter.

I smell a Peabody Award.

* Brooklyn high school star Sebastian Telfair makes himself available for NBA draft.

Telfair told Associated Press: “I’m on cloud 40 right now.”

Telfair’s agent explained that Cloud 9 might be high enough for other players, but his client clearly plays on a different cumulus nimbus level.

* Major League Baseball scraps plan to put “Spider-Man 2” logos on bases.

Other baseball-theatrical promotional ideas that never panned out

“Bat (man) Night.”

Umpires refused to dress up like Alfred the Butler; Mo Vaughn couldn’t fit into Robin’s leotards.

“Goodfellas”: Former mob informants in witness protection not willing to have photos shown on jumbo screen.

“Superman”: Bulked-up bodybuilder hired to play comic hero for promotional ad quits to take job at fledgling company called BALCO.

“Buck Rogers in the 25th Century”: Baseball couldn’t secure licensing rights from “Buck Rodgers in the 20th Century.”

* Roger Clemens moves past Steve Carlton into second place on the all-time strikeout list.

Clemens trails leader Nolan Ryan by only 1,574 strikeouts.

Clemens, who turns 42 on Aug. 4, would need to average more than 300 strikeouts a year for five years to break Ryan’s record.

Prediction: Five guys will eventually break Henry Aaron’s all-time home run mark of 755. No pitcher will approach Ryan’s record.

* Moises Alou of the Chicago Cubs says he urinates on his hands to prevent blisters.

We can only guess that Alou’s next contract with the Cubs will not be a handshake agreement.