Player Should Take Steps to Avoid Doing Another Victory Dance

You have to wonder if dance fans everywhere are rooting for the Lakers to defeat the Minnesota Timberwolves in the Western Conference playoffs.

Reason: Mark Madsen, the ex-Laker, plays for Minnesota now. And it was Madsen who broke into a wild, awkward dance on television during one Laker championship celebration that was replayed for laughs several times.

When the Lakers visited the White House later, President Bush disclosed that he’d asked Madsen not to repeat the performance.

“I’m afraid,” Bush said, “the Secret Service might react violently if you did.”

*

Scissoring through airport security? “My husband and I had just flown from L.A. to Denver, de-boarded the plane and were walking to baggage claim when I noticed a woman walking in front of us wearing a transparent backpack,” wrote Hollie Quinn. “Doesn’t make one feel too confident about our airport security.”

*

Department of Redundancy Dept.: Mike and Stacey Reynolds of Redondo Beach gave a “Duh!” award to a description of lobster (see accompanying).

*

Thanks, but no thanks: Dr. Eva Mauer of Pasadena received a letter from the American Academy of Pediatrics with a somewhat awkwardly written message on the envelope (see accompanying).

*

Thanks but no thanks, Part 2: Patrick O’Grady came upon an offer that’s perfect for those who can’t get enough of migraine headaches (see accompanying).

*

There does seem to be a communication problem: The police log of the Seal Beach Sun reported that “a male and female were reportedly arguing. The male subject was bouncing a basketball while the female subject was yelling at him.”

*

A noise terminator? A lecturer at Pepperdine University is filing a petition with the city of Malibu, demanding stricter enforcement of penalties against noisy motorcyclists on Pacific Coast Highway, the Malibu Times reported.

“It’s similar to a family living near LAX,” said Dennis Torres, who is also a real estate developer. Torres said one of the bikers dealing out “ear-splitting” noise was none other than Gov. Arnold Schwarzenegger on weekend outings. That’s one charge that was never leveled against Gray Davis.

*

Didn’t catch the name: I read the other day that actress Gwyneth Paltrow gave birth to a baby named Apple Blythe. It’s a girl. True to their profession perhaps, folks in the entertainment biz sure handle the naming of children with a flourish.

Apple joins such star kids as:

* Peaches, Pixie and Fifi Trixibelle (father Bob Geldof, the singer)

* Brooklyn (son of singer Victoria “Posh Spice” and soccer star David Beckham)

* Rumer, Scout and Tallulah Belle (Bruce Willis and Demi Moore)

* Manzie Tio (Woody Allen and Soon Yi)

* Indio (Robert Downey Jr.)

* Moon Unit, Diva and Dweezil (singer Frank Zappa)

*

miscelLAny: So, KABC-AM 790, in the manner of the so-called TV reality shows, is holding an on-the-air contest to select a new talk radio host. Send your tape into the station and you could win what is being billed as “The Talk Radio Idol Contest.” Idol? A talk show host?

Shouldn’t that be “nuisance”?

*

Steve Harvey can be reached at steve.harvey@latimes.com.