Candidate for Media Feeding Frenzy

As the media’s standoff with Steve Rocco enters its 10th day, some observers (just me, actually) fear that time is running out for a peaceful solution. I know the media all too well and what they’re capable of doing if they don’t get their way. This could get real ugly, real fast.

Rocco is the suddenly celebrated 53-year-old school board candidate who won Nov. 2 but hasn’t shown himself since. Not that he showed himself much before, either: Orange Unified School District officials say they know nothing about him and that he apparently did no campaigning on his way to more than 30,000 votes.

He was the phantom who got elected. Both local and national media, including NBC’s “Today” show, have tried to smoke him out. So far, he has chosen to stay secluded in his Santa Ana home.

It doesn’t take much imagination to picture what could happen if the media lose patience:

Media spokesman on bullhorn: Mr. Rocco, this is the media! Take a look out your windows. We have your home surrounded. There is no escape. Drop whatever you’re doing and come out and talk to us now. You will not be harmed.

Voice from inside home: Go away. I haven’t done anything wrong.

Media: You are a newsmaker, sir. People want to know who you are.

Voice: Quit pointing those giant things at my house. They’re scaring my cats.

Media: Those are boom microphones.

Voice: Take them away.

Media: You know we can’t do that, but maybe we can work something out.

Voice: Like what?

Media: Like why don’t you come out with your hands up, and hold a news conference? Give us some comments and this will all be over.

Voice (haltingly): What are you going to ask me?

Media: Come out first, then we’ll tell you.

Voice: Yes, but I’ve already told you I don’t want -- hey, what’s that noise on the roof?

Media (to nearby colleague): Get that cameraman off the roof! Sorry, sir, that wasn’t supposed to happen. That was our mistake. Is there anything we can get you?

Voice: How about some magazines?

Media: Sure, we could do that. But we’re going to need something from you, too.

Voice: Such as? I’m not coming out there.

Media: Fair enough. How about a written statement about why you ran for office but didn’t campaign. You could slip the paper under the front door. I’ll send one reporter only to pick it up.

Voice: How do I know I can trust you? How do I know you won’t ask more questions?

Media: We’ve got to trust each other. (He motions to a small group of reporters to begin prying open a window on the side of the house and others to mass near the front door.)

Voice: Don’t I have the right not to talk to you?

Media: Don’t make this any harder on yourself than it already is.

Voice: Can’t you wait till I take office?

Media (sounding more exasperated): That’s a month from now. We need you now.

Voice: You weren’t interested in me until I won. And you won’t be interested once I take office, right?

Media: That’s probably true. What’s your point? We’re running out of time here.

Voice: I know what you’re after. I’m a novelty item to you. These are my terms: I’ll talk to you if I can outline my agenda for the board.

Media: No can do. Could get a little dull, y’know? We want to do this the nice way, but we can do it the hard way if that’s how you want it. (He motions to cameramen to turn on their lights as journalists simultaneously prepare to ram the front door.) Work with us. Let’s not be unreasonable.

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Dana Parsons can be reached at (714) 966-7821 or at dana .parsons@latimes.com. An archive of his recent columns is at www.latimes.com/parsons.