Super Sunday Could Be the Never-Ending Story

Fox Sports is calling the eight-hour pregame show it has planned for February’s Super Bowl “unprecedented.” It surely is. Name another time in our history when TV critics and media columnists were able to pan a football pregame show 10 weeks before it aired.

According to media reports beginning to circulate this week, Fox’s Super Bowl pregame show from Jacksonville -- the date to scratch out on your calendar is Feb. 6, 2005 -- will be an unholy, unwatchable mess that will include (unless Fox got Thanksgiving confused with April 1):

* A fishing competition (!) to be held in the Jacksonville area, with several thousand entrants trying to catch and throw back specially marked fish, and, well, why not? In millions of households across the country, throwing back Fox’s Super Bowl pregame show will be a major theme of the day.

* A golf competition (!) to include teams consisting of NASCAR drivers (of course), baseball players, NFL players and, the ever-dangerous dark horse, the “general public.” Commentators penciled in for this deathless event: Tim McCarver and Darrell Waltrip.

(Note to those wondering whether Fox Sports Chairman David Hill has finally gone completely around the bend: Hill told USA Today that “When you think about Florida, you think fishing and golf.” You do? You mean right after you think swamps, old people, stone crabs, stock cars, hanging chads, hurricanes, alligators, Shaq, swamps, the Heat, the humidity, South Beach, the South Beach Diet, swamps and really bad NFL teams? Sure, right after those, you think fishing and golf, every time.)

* A skateboarding exhibition by Tony Hawk. Because, right after fishing and golf, when you think about Florida, you think “Tony Hawk’s Boom Boom Huckjam.”

* An hour-long “special edition” “Best Damn Sports Show Period.” Because after one hour of “Best Damn,” Frank Caliendo and Terry Bradshaw are going to seem much, much funnier. Conveniently, Fox plans to begin its pregame show at 10 a.m. eastern time, which means 7 a.m. here. If you schedule it right, you can sleep through the first third and brunch through the next third, thus needing to waste only a couple of hours with Howie Long before kickoff.

Available for viewing this weekend:

TODAY

Notre Dame at USC

(Channel 7, 5 p.m.)

Once-great last-millennium rivalries that didn’t make it to the 21st century: Lakers-Celtics. Rams-49ers. Cowboys-Redskins. And Notre Dame-USC, with today’s installment at the Coliseum projected to be a rout, the Trojans favored by 23 points.

To be examined next week: Whatever happened to USC-UCLA?

Boise State at Nevada

(ESPN, 4:45 p.m.)

Elsewhere in the modern world, Boise State-Nevada will get prime-time East Coast exposure on ESPN. Boise is 10-0 and seventh in the BCS standings, which will someday be described by future historians as “how college football went about not deciding its annual national champion during the (aptly labeled) ‘00s.”

Bob Davie, writing for espn.com, says he has a better way to determine the title-game matchup. Yeah, don’t we all? Davie’s bold idea: Let the coaches decide which teams belong in the Orange Bowl. Davie suggests having all 117 Division I-A coaches vote after watching the final three game tapes from USC, Oklahoma and Auburn -- nine games total. Coaches would have two days to evaluate these tapes and then vote.

Most likely response after the two-day evaluation period?

“Um, can I have two more days?”

“The BCS championship is the coaches’ national champion,” Davie writes, “and I have total confidence that if the coaches have the time and resources necessary, they will make the best choice.”

Hmmm. Coaches voting to determine the national champion? Sounds familiar. Sounds like the mess that created the mess college football finds itself in today.

UC Irvine at UCLA

(FSNW2, 5 p.m.)

When Dan Guerrero was athletic director at Irvine, he interviewed Ben Howland before hiring the Anteaters’ current coach, Pat Douglass. Does that mean Guerrero stashed away Howland’s resume for bigger days, if and when? Or does it mean the Bruins will try to beat Irvine tonight coached by Guerrero’s second choice?

SUNDAY

Philadelphia Eagles at New York Giants

(Channel 11, 10 a.m.)

Just before the Eagles set out to do terrible things to young Eli Manning, over on ESPN, Michael Irvin interviews Terrell Owens on “Sunday NFL Countdown.” Doctor, meet your monster.

San Diego Chargers at Kansas City Chiefs (Channel 2, 10 a.m.)

The Chargers are 7-3, winners of their last four games and tied atop the AFC West with Denver. They are averaging 28.5 points a game, tight end Antonio Gates is tied for the league lead in receptions and a victory over the Chiefs probably will leave San Diego with three more victories than the Giants. So, Eli, any second thoughts?

Skins Game

(Channel 7, 12:30 p.m.)

The Skins come in 3-7, last place in the NFC East, averaging 13.1 points a game, their lowest production since 1961, with Joe Gibbs struggling for answers as his team encounters a hot opponent and long odds against the Pittsburgh Steelers. Which explains why a lot of Skins fans will be switching over in the fourth quarter to watch this golf exhibition from La Quinta featuring Tiger Woods, Annika Sorenstam, Fred Couples and Adam Scott.

New Orleans Hornets at Lakers

(FSNW, 6:30 p.m.)

The second half of a Sunday NBA Staples Center doubleheader. And what do you call the first? The warmup act? The undercard? How about the “Clippers host the Golden State Warriors,” blacked out locally (and understandably), tipping off at 12:30 p.m.?