Bats Have More Snap, Crackle and Pop Now

After learning that General Mills was committed to a deal with Major League Baseball to feature three players on boxes of Wheaties, Scott Ostler of the San Francisco Chronicle suggested a more appropriate line of cereal with which the company should fulfill its end of the deal:

“Coming soon to a supermarket shelf near you: Cheaties ... Puffed Sluggers ... Dirty Trix ... Frosted Fans ... Shredded Grand Jury Transcripts-’n-Honey ... Surly-O’s ... Sugar-Coated Alibis ... Fruit Loopholes ... Uncle Bud’s Honey Bunches of Baloney ... Great Toasted Balls o’ Fire ... I Can’t Believe It’s Not HGH ... SpongeBob DropPants.”

Here are a few the columnist missed: Bad-Apple Jacks ... Really Special K ... Not-Necessarily-Lucky Charms (They’re Magically Suspicious).

*

Trivia time: Sweet Catomine could become only the fourth filly to win the Santa Anita Derby on Saturday. What filly was the last one?

*

Absent-minded: Jesper Parnevik apparently forgot to put on his thinking cap before traveling to Augusta National, which might explain the Swede’s forgetting his golf clubs. “I guess I may be the first player to come to the Masters and leave his clubs at home in the garage,” a red-faced Parnevik told reporters Sunday.

Luckily, home is now in Orlando, Fla., and his tools were delivered in time for Monday’s practice round.

*

Spartan coexistence: Fans in East Lansing didn’t take kindly to Michigan State’s semifinal loss to North Carolina on Saturday night. They rioted and police had to use tear gas to subdue them.

Then there was the women’s team, which Sunday overcame a 16-point deficit to stun Tennessee and advance to Tuesday’s final. The fans’ reaction? It was raucous, one sports bar owner said, until the wrestling match showing on a nearby TV ended and the crowd thinned out -- leaving only a few people to cheer the Lady Spartans’ miracle comeback.

Police had been standing by, just in case.

*

Bank it like Beckham: David Beckham’s productivity may have slipped recently on the soccer field, but they won’t be shuffling him off to the poorhouse any time soon. The Sunday Times of London listed the former Manchester United midfielder, who now plays for Real Madrid in Spain, as Britain’s wealthiest athlete.

Beckham, who is worth about $140 million, is also the only athlete listed among the country’s 1,000 wealthiest individuals, at 654th.

*

Glorious beginning: On this day in 1896 the first modern Olympic Games began in Athens, and James B. Connolly will forever be remembered (by somebody, perhaps) for winning the first event: the hop, skip and jump.

*

Trivia answer: Winning Colors, ridden by Gary Stevens, in 1988. The horse went on to triumph against males in the Kentucky Derby.

*

And finally: Chicago Tribune columnist Mike Downey on Illinois’ coming up just short after a valiant rally in Monday’s NCAA final against North Carolina: “It was enough to make an Illinois Illini ill.”