Dead Ringer, Wine Flinger and Campaign Gunslinger

The gossipistas in Los Angeles City Hall learned last week that incoming council President Eric Garcetti is a man of many, uh, talents.

In other news, a 19-year-old ran for City Council, Mayor Antonio Villaraigosa was almost involved in an Orange Line bus crash (that’ll teach him to take mass transit!) and at one political event, the wine was really flowing -- so to speak.

It’s been another busy few weeks for leaders of America’s second-largest city.

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Question: Who is the biggest vamp on the City Council?

Answer: Their attire usually brings to mind the term ready-to-wear, but on Nov. 17, seven council members paraded down a runway in an “eco-friendly” fashion show sponsored by the Coalition for Clean Air.

Prancing around in new threads were Tony Cardenas, Eric Garcetti, Wendy Greuel, Janice Hahn, Tom LaBonge, Jan Perry and Greig Smith.

No one fell and there were no -- thank goodness -- wardrobe malfunctions or backstage tantrums.

Hahn hammed it up, but the crowd got an astonishing look at soon-to-be council President Garcetti, who stole the show with his “Zoolander”-inspired romp.

Of course, the most shocking part was that any member of the pop-culture-challenged council had actually seen the 2001 Ben Stiller comedy.

After watching Garcetti slither down the runway wearing sunglasses and slicked-up hair, LaBonge joked that “if he had done it a week later, maybe he wouldn’t be council president.”

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Q: Which candidate this year created the most snarky political hit piece?

A: Crystal Arceo, a 19-year-old college student, finished eighth out of 10 candidates in the recent Council District 14 race and 79 votes behind the next-highest finisher, a socialist meatpacker.

But Arceo managed to scrape together enough money to create a glossy mailer that excoriated -- to put it mildly -- eventual winner Jose Huizar.

The four-page mailer’s hardest-hitting feature was a report card in which Arceo graded Huizar’s performance as a Los Angeles school board member.

She gave him Fs in most categories. She granted him a C in current events, listing his teacher as “A. Villaraigosa,” who “commented” that “Jose repeats what he’s told. No original thoughts. He has demonstrated excellent skills at implementing my agenda.”

Ouch!

The funniest line came at the bottom of the last page: “P.S. This mailer cost me the money I was saving for my sister’s quinceanera (sweet 15th), please share it with another voter.”

Arceo is majoring in business and political science at Mount St. Mary’s College. In an interview this week, she said she might run for office again in the future, but in the meantime is available if Huizar needs help.

Huizar gratefully declined the offer Monday.

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Q: Does anything ever happen in city politics by coincidence?

A: Not much. Consider:

On Sept. 20, the City Council approved a raise for Department of Water and Power workers that will increase their salaries at least 17.9% over the next five years.

On Oct. 7, the union that benefited from the raise, the International Brotherhood of Electrical Workers, donated $6,700 to council President Alex Padilla’s state Senate campaign. Padilla was one of 10 council members to vote for the boost.

In early November, Villaraigosa was criticized by ethics watchdogs for using a private plane owned by mortgage giant Ameriquest to fly to Detroit.

One week later, the mayor’s office was taking a stand on -- what else? -- ethics by criticizing the city’s Building and Safety Department for soliciting donations for charity from its customers.

In late October, Alvin Parra said he was involved in distributing copies of unflattering newspaper stories about Nick Pacheco to Eastside residents.

Pacheco was running against Huizar, who was supported by Villaraigosa. The stories were from 2001 through 2003, and involved allegations of the misuse of city funds.

The handouts, which were distributed by volunteers, neglected to mention that Pacheco was never found to have done anything wrong.

Nine days after Huizar trounced Pacheco in the council race, Parra’s wife, Nellie Rios-Parra, a Lennox School District official, was appointed by Villaraigosa to the city Library Commission.

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Q: What’s this about fireworks in the state Senate race between Padilla and Assemblywoman Cindy Montanez (D-San Fernando)?

A: As usual, the most interesting part of the campaign so far has occurred out of the public’s eye. In this case, it was in Mason’s restaurant in early October, when Montanez tossed a glass of red wine in the face of Alexandra Rooker, first vice chairwoman of the state Democratic Party.

The story has been making the rounds for several weeks among party members. Apparently, Rooker got splashed because she defended Padilla during a conversation about the race.

Rooker confirmed the incident but would not elaborate.

Rocky Rushing, a spokesman for Montanez, declined to comment but did not deny the incident.

Sources say that although Montanez apologized, she didn’t pay Rooker’s laundry bill.

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Q: Is there anything serious involving the race?

A: Padilla and Montanez are both proteges of incumbent Richard Alarcon. They have spent most of the summer and fall raking in campaign donations and tussling for endorsements, although neither has yet landed the big one -- Villaraigosa’s.

The mayor hasn’t said if he will make an endorsement in the race or not. Both candidates covet his backing, because they could then plaster Villaraigosa’s face all over their campaign mailers.

Think of it in Madison Avenue terms:

If you like Chunky Monkey, you’ll

love Very Berry.

If you like Antonio, you’ll love me.

Padilla hasn’t had an easy time of it either. With support from his colleagues wavering, he’s relinquishing the council presidency earlier than he planned, and Montanez wasted no time shish kebabbing him.

“This is nothing more than an unconditional surrender in the face of overwhelming opposition to his continued presidency,” she said in a news release.

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Q: How fast is the new Orange Line busway?

A: According to the MTA schedule, the bus travels its 14-mile route through the San Fernando Valley at an average speed of 20 mph, including stops to pick up passengers and at red lights.

That’s a new low for the MTA. Its four rail lines travel at average speeds ranging from 24 mph (the Blue and Gold lines) to 35 mph (the Green Line). The Red Line is in the middle, at about 33 mph.

One problem slowing down the Orange Line is that it crosses 36 streets on its route. With Villaraigosa aboard for a test ride in October, one bus had to slam on its brakes to avoid hitting a motorist running a red light.

Was it an omen? Since then, three accidents have been caused by drivers running lights, and the city has moved to adjust the timing of traffic signals and improve warning signs.

In case you are wondering -- and how can you not be? -- there are many animals that, in bursts, are speedier than MTA trains or its new $324-million busway.

A peregrine falcon can reach speeds of 200 mph; a cheetah, 70 mph; and even a lowly warthog can rev it up to 30 mph.

Still, this leaves a question begging to be asked: If MTA projects are getting slower, would it be cheaper to hire scientists to create a new breed of giant warthogs large enough to carry passengers?

And would the city have to install crossing gates?