How to Avoid the Parent Trap

Melvyn and Valerie Bell couldn’t get along as husband and wife, but they were united in making their son, Jared, their top priority.

From birth through his senior year at North Hollywood Harvard-Westlake, he was encouraged, pushed and prodded to explore his options.

He learned to play the violin, his mother’s love. He joined the Cub Scouts and Boy Scouts and became an Eagle Scout, just like his father. He tried a variety of sports until he discovered the one in which he excelled: distance running.

Today, Bell’s mother and father, separated for seven years, will happily drive together to Sacramento to watch their son compete in the 1,600-meter run at the state track and field championships.

Bell, an A student who is headed to Yale and owns school records in the 800-, 1,600- and 3,200-meter races, is an example of what can be achieved when parents act like parents.

“You’ve got to keep them busy,” Valerie said. “You have to keep them off the streets, and you have to be at their events to make sure they know you care.”

Bell grew up in the Crenshaw district focused on his future. By elementary school, he was thinking about college, and not just any college. His goal was the Ivy League. He had three inspirations: his mother, father and sister, all college graduates.

“It was kind of ingrained in my mind,” Bell said. “You didn’t really understand what it meant. It was a name tossed around. It was three different sources of how important it was to go to college.”

When Bell was 11, his parents separated, and he started spending a week at a time with his mother in West L.A. and with his father in Inglewood. Every Sunday was a changing of the guard. The family would meet at church, and Bell would switch parents. His life never changed because his parents wouldn’t permit it. They made sure he never felt uncomfortable or awkward in their presence.

Bell, 5 feet 11, 135 pounds, always liked running the mile in physical education class, and by the time he reached his freshman year of high school, the track coaches at Harvard-Westlake told him he had a future as a distance runner. Bell enjoyed the attention paid to his event.

“When people ask you how fast you can run the mile, it’s a big thing because it’s the one distance besides the 100 they can really relate to,” he said.

Last week, he was the No. 1 qualifier in the 1,600 at the Southern Section Masters meet. He holds the fourth-best time in the state this season at 4:10.17 going into today’s qualifying heats.

He has learned so much from his parents even though, like any teenager, he has had his rebellious moments.

He remembers as a freshman resenting having to miss several track meets after his father set a deadline to complete his Eagle Scout requirements.

“Now I’m so glad he did that,” Bell said. “I definitely would not have had time to work on it.”

Bell’s final project was the construction of a Japanese garden out of an area of mostly weeds at Kenneth Hahn Park in Los Angeles.

“Working with Jared is like working in a laboratory,” his father said. “You try some things that worked for you and others that didn’t. It’s been a pleasure moving him in the direction he wanted to go.”

From sunup to sundown, Bell has always traveled on buses because he never attended neighborhood schools. He went to private schools and lost touch with students from his old neighborhood who ended up going to Crenshaw, Dorsey and Westchester.

He worries about teenagers not taking advantage of opportunities in education and extracurricular activities.

“There’s got to be something the kids can be doing,” he said. “There’s potential being wasted by not getting out and challenging themselves.”

Bell’s answer is to serve as a mentor and junior assistant scout master for Troop 636 in Inglewood. He’s trying to help about 20 scouts from grades five to 11 follow the path he took with the help of his parents, whose love and commitment to their son gave him the chance to succeed.

Eric Sondheimer can be reached at eric.sondheimer@latimes.com.