Fries with that pizza?

If there were a contest for the Pizza That Best Pretends to Be Something Other Than a Pizza, then Domino’s new Cheeseburger Pizza would undoubtedly win. Its top-heavy combination of ground beef, bacon, onions, tomato and American, cheddar and provolone cheeses certainly tastes more like a cheeseburger than, say, Pizza Hut’s Buffalo Chicken Pizza’s halfhearted attempt to taste like buffalo wings.

Of course, it also raises a couple of questions: Why on Earth would you want a pizza to pretend to be something other than a pizza? Isn’t pizza at the top of the fast-food food chain?

Anyway, here’s how the cheeseburger wannabe stacks up.

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Domino’s Cheeseburger Pizza

Taste

Not great, but weird enough to try once or twice. The bland American cheese and large chunks of onion added more “cheeseburgerness” than we expected, though one Drive-By judge insists it tastes more like a taco.

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Diet Watch

Uh, are you expecting this to be healthy? A medium pizza has 320 calories with 15 grams of fat and 30 grams of carbs per slice. There are eight slices. You do the math.

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Portability

Domino’s patented Heat Wave carrier assured that the pie was hot on delivery. And the massive amounts of cheese kept the other toppings in place, so it wasn’t very messy.

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Hype-o-meter

Donald Trump appears in an ad touting this product, so you know it must be good. The Donald would never do anything that was over-hyped and tacky, would he?

* Ratings are on a scale of one (lowest) to four (best).