Hard to Think Blue When Owners Haven’t a Clue

I come to you today from the Land of the Clueless, or the rubble that was once known as the great Dodger franchise.

The Dodgers have just unplugged Paul DePodesta’s computer, and while there is celebration in the streets, the owners remain on the job.

The GM has been fired, we learned Saturday, for no particular reason. The last time something impulsive like this happened, Frank and Jamie McCourt went home and the next morning the Screaming Meanie returned as “President,” later hiring Tipper Gore’s director of communications to complete the image.

There was every good reason not to hire inexperienced DePodesta 622 days ago, shortly after the McCourts took over, but three weeks after DePodesta fired manager Jim Tracy and one week after DePodesta narrowed the managerial search to just

a few, there was no explanation given why now.

It must have been DePodesta’s time. Maybe the initial cry was for Lon Rosen’s head, but some poor slob had to tell the McCourts, “Ah, you already fired him.”

Then how about Gary Miereanu? “Adios.” John Olguin. “History, boss.” Doug Duennes or Mike Mularky. “Gone, gone.”

Then make it DePodesta.

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DEPODESTA’S DISMISSAL less than two years into a five-year deal indicates a mistake was made to hire the kid in the first place, but given the chance to say so several times, McCourt refused. And isn’t that telling.

“Two years is long enough to make that evaluation,” he said, and I’ve been saying the same thing when it comes to evaluating the team’s owners.

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A FEW months ago, Ken Rosenthal, a writer for the Sporting News who has since moved on to Foxsports.com, reported disharmony in the Land of the Clueless, suggesting Tom Lasorda was sticking a knife in DePodesta’s back and badmouthing him to McCourt.

I don’t know where these guys get that kind of stuff. Lasorda called it a “lie,” but with DePodesta lying in pool of blood at McCourt’s feet Saturday, I asked Lasorda again -- you know, just to make sure -- was there any truth to it?

“That is the biggest lie; in front of God, it’s a stinking, no good lie,” Lasorda shouted, and I noticed he shouted a little louder when he saw a TV camera rolling. “He has absolutely no proof of that. I never said anything bad about Paul DePodesta. I have never, ever said a bad word about Paul DePodesta to Frank.”

Why not? I asked. Everybody else has been critical of the guy from Day 1, which makes you wonder why McCourt’s top baseball advisor wasn’t knocking the guy who was in over his head from the outset.

Maybe McCourt could just see it in Lasorda’s eyes.

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HERE IN the Land of the Clueless, there is positive news, though. I don’t know anyone who has been working harder than Lasorda, at times the only one in town praising two people who can’t seem to do anything right.

“I might be a lot smarter than you guys,” Lasorda said when asked to explain why he seems to be alone in his assessment.

I know he was the only one paid by McCourt standing in our group -- and although he was quick to point out, “I didn’t pick the last GM” -- name me someone else in the Dodger organization you’d like to see pick the new GM.

“I’ve mentioned my selection to Frank, and you’ll know as soon as we get a new GM if he was listening to me,” Lasorda said with that smug smile he gives when he already knows the answer.

Lasorda was sitting next to Jamie McCourt at the news conference -- usually between the McCourts when they are all together -- and right now we’re looking at the Comeback Forgotten L.A. Icon of the Year.

And that suggests the next GM of the Dodgers will be former Baltimore, Seattle and Toronto GM Pat Gillick, whom Lasorda admires because Gillick admires him.

Lasorda is also no longer supporting Terry Collins, because DePodesta “is in the past” as Lasorda put it, and so he’s once again on the Bobby Valentine campaign trail.

Well, here’s hoping for Lasorda’s good health and, if Valentine is hired, he doesn’t make Lasorda his third base coach.

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THE NICE thing about firing someone else for mistakes you’ve made is getting a fresh start. The Parking Lot Attendant said “his bar is set high,” and the way things are going, he might want to lower that bar and pour himself a stiff one before proceeding.

The Dodgers are a wreck, although McCourt said, “This organization has a history of success. We are very close in many regards to being able to do that.”

He said that with a straight face, which is why I suggest hooking him up to a polygraph in the future. I asked, “How can you make a statement like that and have any credibility when you have no GM, no manager and no idea what players you will have next season?”

“I believe it,” is the way he explained it, which might also explain why he remains so adamant that he has the money to run the Dodgers successfully, as long as the tooth fairy, I presume, pays him a visit.

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THE IMMEDIATE payoff, of course, is that most Dodger fans are going to be thrilled with news of DePodesta’s dismissal. And I’m sure the Dodgers now have their marketing plan in place: “It Can’t Get Any Worse.”

But I’ll leave you with this: When it comes to the hiring of the new GM, McCourt said, “I’m going to be personally involved.”

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T.J. Simers can be reached at

t.j.simers@latimes.com. To read previous columns by Simers, go to latimes.com/simers.